Stupid weather!!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010, 11:02 PM
I had it all lined up to shoot the footage I needed to complete the West Central Bank 24 hour banking spot tonight, but thanks to dumb ass flash rain storms, that plan was postponed yet again. Much like my damn fence project, everything is getting fucked up by this goofy-ass weather. When in the fuck is it ever going to stop raining every other day? Fuck the weathermen! They haven't got a clue about what the damn weather is going to do. Right now they're saying tomorrow night will be clear, but I'll bet you anything that by tomorrow night the fucking clouds will gather and rain will dump on us once again, fucking up any plan I may have to actually get this footage. Damn it!! I even rented a couple PS3 games to keep myself occupied overnight. I could technically take the PS3 home tonight and play the games I rented, but what's the point? It's already almost midnight and I have to come into work tomorrow morning. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

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AVGN
Tuesday, June 22, 2010, 05:39 PM
Well, I've got this weekend all worked out. I'm shooting both the Montgomery County Fair MMA event and the CCCW event in St. Louis. I'm riding with Tom down to St. Louis and will be meeting up with Shawn Greene to give him his tickets. I'm certain that he wants to discuss the 48 hr film project some more and possibly some other stuff, but I really don't want to discuss this stuff around Tom. If there's one thing I realize about Tom, he really doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. It's not like I'm afraid of him stealing my contacts or anything. He just has this tendency to go off on his own things whether or not anyone really cares to hear about them. I guess you could call him the shameless self promoter I could never be.

On another note, I've been addicted to the Angry Video Game Nerd videos for a while now, but lately I've found myself downloading the videos to my computer and playing them back through my Xbox whereas I was just watching episode streams on Justin.tv. Nuclear waffles is funny every time I hear it. I'm such a huge geek. I don't know anyone else who buys DVD's of a web video series. I'm not ashamed at all. I like what I like and I buy what I like. I don't need to justify to anyone why I watch this stuff. It provides me hours of relaxation and entertainment. What more could anyone ask for? Speaking of hours of entertainment, I bought a half gallon of rum a few days ago and haven't even broke the seal on it yet. I guess I kinda feel like I need to be in a certain mood to drink now. That's a good thing, right?

Well, I decided that I'm going to try and get Payne back to J-ville sometime next week to put the door in. He'll either give me a bunch of bullshit reasons why he wants to wait and that will be that, or he'll do it. I don't understand why he thinks he'll be able to start his own business when he has a hard time meeting his clients needs. Sure, I'm not paying him for his work, but he never asked me to and we both kind of agreed on the premise that for him staying here for a while he would owe me only the labor on the fence. I'm adamant about getting the door in because it means the project is "in process" rather than being a questionable future option.

Well, back to AVGN.
Chainsaw to the dick!

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Some things never change
Saturday, June 19, 2010, 03:49 PM
I got a call from Payne today letting me know that he isn't going to be here tomorrow to work on the door. I was okay with the Wednesday fiasco because it's clear to me that if I'm going to want a level fence line, I need to add dirt, not subtract. Also, my Tracer is stuck in park so I can't really move it out of the way until I get that issue resolved. Too many things were piling up left and right to prevent Wednesday from happening, so it actually worked out to my advantage to push things back and wait on the dirt. This Sunday is a different story.

Payne and I agreed that regardless of whether or not a fence exists or not, the door can be put in and it means one less thing to do down the road. So we planned on getting that done tomorrow. In the meantime, he goes to Beardstown for the week and fucks himself out of every single job opportunity he had in the process, which is baffling since one of the interviews was in Beardstown. In the meantime he's getting drunk and stoned every night only to end up going to Quincy to bang some chick from his past and "look for work there". He plans on coming to get his stuff this next week and moving in with his cousin Willy. You know, because there's just more opportunity in Beardstown.

The only opportunity Payne is interested in at this point is getting laid, drunk and stoned as much as possible. So he's right; there is a lot more opportunity for him to accomplish those goals. He couldn't challenge me on that if he tried because he and I both know his interview at the pig farm was Tuesday, even though he thinks it was on Wednesday and conflicted with his Dot interview. Let's not even talk about the fact that he started smoking pot again after his first trip back to Beardstown, which is a sign of great intelligence when you're trying to get hired on somewhere at the same time. You can't tell Payne anything though. He's got the answer for everything. Ask him why he didn't get the job at Dot and he'll probably tell you because he's an idiot and fucked it up. Still, he'll get pissed at you if you won't trust him to do one simple thing because you think he's an idiot. There's no end to his hypocrisy.

You can't really blame me for being pissed at him. His word is bond, you know. Hasn't he told you yet? When he says he's going to do something, he means it. So you shouldn't ever worry about hanging your good name and reputation out there to vouch for Payne because when it comes to him following through on his word, nothing is more important to him......well, other than getting laid....or blowing off some steam with friends.....or just flat out getting shit faced every night. Eventually his sob stories will have no effect and his new found wellspring of supporters will all realize that Payne is back; not the Payne he claims he's become, but "good ol' Payne", whatever that means.

I don't mean the guy any harm or ill will. If I did, I wouldn't have offered to have him stay at my house till he could get on his feet. That offer is off the table now because it's clear he's not taking this whole "getting back on track" thing seriously. I'm not going to be party to his self-destruction anymore. As for the fence thing; I suppose that if I'm even going to do it now, I'm going to have to get in touch with my father. I could just as easily take that money and pay off my loan to Cass, which would actually be a smart move on my part considering it would free up $80 a month that we could either save back or put on extra bills. I could pay off the remainder of our medical bills and not have to worry about that anymore. There's a lot of things I could do with that money other than put up a privacy fence and considering the amount of bullshit I've had to deal with up to this point, it really just seems like karma is directing me to drop the whole fence idea.

I want a place for my dogs to be able to run around freely though. That to me is worth more than the money itself. I'm willing to see this job through to the end, but I just don't think I want Payne to help out with it. I value his friendship and I want to continue being his friend. The one things that kills a friendship faster than a bullet is relying on them for anything. I can have a much more rewarding relationship with all of my friends when I don't need them. That's me though. Payne considers a friend to be someone you can rely on. Drawing comparison to my relationship with Laymon, one could say that he's my friend, based on the Chad Payne methodology of friendship. This isn't the case though. I just know if there's something I need help with and he knows either how to do it or someone who can help me, I can always go to him for help. Why? Because I'm pretty much taking advantage of an available resource - a resource I know exists out of desperation. Laymon wants me to think of him as a friend and that's why he's always going to be there for me.

Am I an asshole for using Laymon like that? I don't think so. I give him the best parts of me through my work, my professionalism and my dedication to the job. It's a work relationship nonetheless, but we're still connected though that. I give him my respect, even though most of the time he doesn't deserve it. I do a lot for him without him even asking me to do it, so in no way do I feel bad for asking him for favors now and again. I'm not going to be his friend and if he ever throws down the gauntlet I'll be forced to tell him the truth. If our work relationship changes after that, I'll have to leave that to my attorney to work through. Regardless, Laymon and I work together well and oddly enough compliment each other in the sense that while we don't have a relationship outside of work, we can rely on each other and often assist one another with things. If I were to start my own business, I would strongly consider partnering with Laymon.

So what does all this have to do with Payne? Well, I guess my point is that I want to be friends with Payne in the same way I'm friends with everyone else. I have my life (for the most part) and they have theirs, but we still find time to come together and have fun occasionally without a lot of hang-ups and drama. In all actuality, I really kind of miss the old Payne in the way that the relationship we had was exactly what I just described. I care about his well-being and would like to see him finally stop all the drinking and drug abuse and once and for all get control of himself. It hurts me to see him throw away every opportunity he has to make things right for himself. There's nothing I can do to change that though. Like it is for all of us, it's up to him to choose the way he wants to live his life. If he want's to be an alcoholic, drug addict bum his whole life, then so be it. I'll still be his friend, but I'm not throwing myself under the bus to try and save him.

Okay, now it's time for Rum and Xbox.



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Did I say this Saturday?
Saturday, June 19, 2010, 01:15 PM
Here I sit at home on a Saturday. I forgot the CCCW event in St. Louis isn't until the 26th, so I basically have no plans now. Payne is supposed to come by tomorrow to put the door in, but I haven't heard from him in the past couple of days so I don't know if that plan is still on or if it too will be delayed. I'll probably have to go pick him up and take him back, but since I'm getting the work done for free basically, I cant really complain. One thing is for sure, if AC Jones is making me wait till we have a week without rain before they'll deliver my dirt, then I don't foresee this fence thing happening EVER. When during the spring, summer and fall does it go for a full week without raining once? GRRRR! This is starting to piss me off because this is a project that technically should have been completed one week ago. What sucks is that I am going to sit here all day long knowing we could be working on the door right now, but instead have to wait til tomorrow.

So, what to do today? I've got the HVX, sticks, slate, two wired lav mics and the dolly track sitting here, but nothing to shoot. I've got an Xbox 360 and a LCD tv sitting in front of me, but nothing to play. I've got a car with gas and money in pocket, but nothing to do. I've got a yard eagerly awaiting a fence, but no way to work on it. About the only thing I can do right now at this moment is take my dogs for a walk, which I'll probably do just to do something. That will only take about 30 minutes tops........I just don't know what to do. I could go to Beardstown, but I have to pick Sariah up at 9 PM tonight, so it's kind of pointless to go there now and leave right when things have the potential of happening. I guess you could call this limbo.

I'm probably going to run over to top shelf and grab some Captain Morgan and just play either Red Dead or MW2 all day. That doesn't sound like fun at all.

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Meet the competition
Wednesday, June 16, 2010, 12:02 PM
I had to push back the fence due to a cluster fuck of my events. The silver lining to this cloud of rain and shit is that I'm getting 30 tons of dirt for the same price I was getting quoted in J-Ville for 11. That's the ticket! The only downside is that I have to wait until it dries up before they can deliver it. No biggie. Payne's trying to get through these interviews and get situated himself so I can wait for him to do that before moving forward. The money isn't going anywhere. We will be putting the door on this weekend.

I need to call Paul and clarify a few things with the upcoming shoot and future work I do for them. I'll probably just say fuck it and go ahead with the St. Louis event then start pulling back on my availability. Interestingly enough, I met my competition today. Jerry Gill brought two college students in to see our production facility and one of them just so happened to be the person who made the last CCCW commercials and the intro video for CCCW IV. I thought that was interesting, but it explains a lot since everything is so incestuous in this part of the land. All the more reason for me to talk to Paul again.

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Turtleman has fallen
Tuesday, June 15, 2010, 01:10 PM
Well, I've sent a few emails out to MMA promoters around the area to see if I can stir up some interest in producing videos of their events. I probably won't hear back from all of them, but I'd be shocked if at least one of them didn't respond with something. The hardest part about soliciting your services is doing so in a manner that doesn't scare the potential client away, but at the same time doesn't limit your earnings. Sure, I could put up a website that promoted my services for a flat rate, but I really need to be able to negotiate my fees or I'll just end up burning myself out on a bunch of jobs that aren't making me enough money.

The difficult part will be the travel. If I could contact local videographers around the areas where some of these events are taking place and offer them the job of shooting the event, that would help out immensely. The drawback is that they'll probably want a lot more than I'd be willing to pay. Bah! I'm jumping too far ahead. One thing at a time, old man! I've got to figure out how I'm going to pick Payne up and get Sariah into work in the next 2 hours. I'll probably end up taking her into work, then going to Beardstown to pick his ass up. I really don't want to do that, but I'm running out of options.

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Someone's at the door...
Monday, June 14, 2010, 12:43 PM
Payne's wish has finally come true and one of the jobs he applied for called him back today. That will put him in Beardstown so he'll probably be moving his stuff to Willy's this Friday. Hopefully we'll have the fence put up and everything finished before then, but who knows for sure. Saturday is the CCCW event at the Lumiere, which kind of sucks because I'll be spending a bunch of money on gas to get down there and back and only making $150 for my trouble. Only I would bid so low on something like that. I keep thinking about this job opening at WICS. I tell myself that I would be stupid for even considering leaving Cass due to the flexibility I have there, but at the same time I keep thinking about finally having access to my pension and how that would help me get started doing my own video stuff.

Using the CCCW thing as an example, it's difficult for me to stick to any sort of rate scheme with those guys because they know I am using Cass equipment to do all the work so my rate is just what I want, not what I need. I know that doesn't make any sense, but whatever. The point is that if I had access to my pension and knew I would be doing video work like this all the time, I would buy the equipment I needed to make that happen and constantly solicit my services for MMA events and probably weddings too. I couldn't bring myself to leave Cass on the basis of doing this stuff all the time because I have no guarantee that there will always be work. This is why I put the whole "pay off my debt as soon as possible" plan in motion.

The option to leave Cass for another job that pays equally well or better has always been on the table, I've just ruled it out due to my dependency on the freedom Cass gives me in my life. I could stay at Cass for the next 10 years and not think twice about it. The Scion is paid off next July and that will definitely help us out in paying off our credit card debt and otherwise. While I continue to borrow money for this and that, I haven't increased my monthly debt level in the process, only the amount of money owed overall and the duration of time it will take to pay it back. I feel the TV and this privacy fence are both good choices because they allow us to relieve some of the tension of carrying so much debt and living in the shitty neighborhood we live in - things that cannot be gotten away from anytime soon. I'm just trying to stay positive and keep on track, but at times I feel as though I could do a lot better for myself if I had my own equipment to work with. Still, I've said that before and I know where it got me then. All things are taken into consideration now.

I'm happy that Payne got a call-back and I'm sure he'll use this to his advantage to get his situation back on track...or he'll fuck it all up. You never really know with Payne.

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The money pit
Monday, June 14, 2010, 10:20 AM
I once again figured up our bill situation last night and we're barely able to make all of our monthly bill payments. I have to once again ignore my student loan payment just so I can afford to pay my other bills. The care won't be paid off for another year and my side work isn't really netting me a whole lot of additional money, plus we have that medical bill we have to pay off before they hand it over to their attorneys again. I just found out last night that Sariah has been racking up charges on her credit card ever since we started withdrawing her check each week and living on that. That has pushed her minimum payment up so high that it's screwing with our other bills.

Payne's time living with me is coming to a close. He's in his third week now and he still hasn't found work. I feel for him since he's got that burglary charge hanging over his head, but at the same time it's not like he's straightened his life up and is ready to make a change. He's still the same old Payne, only now he's got a rap about how he's a changed man that seems to work on everyone (except employers). Sure he's not out getting into bar fights all the time, but he doesn't have the money to go to the bars so it's not like he's making a choice. I would believe his story had he not told me about all the bar fights he'd gotten into while in Arizona.

What I know is that I opened up my home to him to help him out in a tough situation. I even told him he could stay here for a few months if need be to get back on his feet. That was all true, but what I'm not going to do is become a crash pad for him every time he fucks everything up. I guess you could say I'm getting a little annoyed at his bullshit. He brags about how he's done smoking pot until he finds someone with pot. He brags about how he's off hard drugs until he's at a party and someone offers him a line. He brags about how he's focused on getting his life back on track, still he's busy hustling his ex-girlfriend (or whatever she is) out of money while at the same time chasing pussy all over the midwest. He brags about how he's a different person, but each and every time he has the opportunity to show you how he's changed, he reverts right back to the same old Payne everyone knows and loves/hates.

He's got to finish the fence for me and then I give it 3 more weeks. If he hasn't found work by then, he's really going to need to give strong consideration to either moving back to Arizona or he'll need to start crashing a his cousin Willy's place. It's not like he's doing anything to wrong me and quite literally none of this is really about what he's done to me. It's about me watching one of my friends make the same mistakes over and over again and knowing I can't help set him straight. It's not my place to and even if I took a more active role in trying to talk sense into him, he wouldn't listen anyway. He's got it all figured out.

Now I've got to go get a new tire on the Scion.

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Firth of Fifth
Sunday, June 13, 2010, 04:48 AM
It's Sunday morning. We were supposed to be working on the backyard, but that has been postponed until we can get the machine we need to level out the dirt in my yard. Once that's finished we'll be ready to put up the fence. Things should go well as long as the weather permits. I'm looking forward to it because it will give our dogs a way to run and play without Sariah or I actually having to be here to take them out. Also, it opens the flood gates for an old idea: POOL!!!

That's not going to be any sort of thing we'll get this year, but by god if we don't have a pool by next year, I won't know what is going on. Payne's been talking to a lot of people in Beardstown and I imagine it's only a matter of time before he ends up back there. I just hope things don't get too awkward because I'll have to tell him to leave, but I really need help with the back yard and I don't know who I'm going to ask to help.




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...and pours
Friday, June 11, 2010, 09:06 AM
Looks like rain. Damn! Payne pulled out the fence in our back yard and cut the bush down as far as he could go with a reciprocating saw, now we've got to get a bunch of dirt delivered and rent a machine to get it all leveled and THEN comes the posts, quick-crete and fence. Once we're finished with all that, The final step will be putting the door in. Not and easy task, but we should be able to manage.

I guess it's good that it's going to rain today because I have a cake to do. It will be my first in nearly a year so it's going to take me a little longer than before.

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