Preparing for 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 01:58 AM
Not really preparing as much, just living day to day.
I'm beginning to realize that the script I'm writing is about me. It's about a salesman who leaves his profession to take up a life of killing, but it's about me as well. I'm kind of like the central character in that I've awakened out of what has seemed like a 4 year coma. I'm re-energized and ready to go and by go, I mean leave my current job and pursue what truly interests me. In a way, the journey that the character goes through is like a mission statement for my future. If all goes well with this project then I really don't think I'll be able to go back to doing what I'm doing for Cass.
I can always hope that if this project is as good as I hope it will be, that it will find an audience and perhaps elevate me to where I want to go so I don't have to wrestle with myself over leaving or staying. That's the hope anyway. I'm not getting too far ahead of myself. I've got a good job that pays well and I'm not going to give it up on a whim. Things will move forward and I'll eventually get to turn this script into an actual movie. The future may hold nothing and it may hold something, but I have to get there first. I've never worked on or made a feature-length movie before, so I may actually end up hating the process and never wanting to do it again. Though I highly doubt that will happen, I can't rule anything out. I have a tendency to get really excited about doing something for a few months then moving on to something else when things start getting too tough.
I guess I feel that if I'm going to be doing something that doesn't make me happy, I should just focus on my current job instead of trying to create more work for myself. Time will tell. While I didn't make the most out of 2008 like I had hoped I would, I know 2009 will be different. A trip out west will help greatly.
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( 2.9 / 24 )Merry Christmas.....Eve
Wednesday, December 24, 2008, 03:02 AM
I'm sitting at working trying to figure out why our spots aren't transferring from our HQ to the AdJer headend kit. A power supply failed there, but the system is still operating fine so I don't think it has anything to do with the problem we're currently experiencing. My work here is done because Arris is closed for the Holidays and I sure as shit am not driving down to Jerseyville to monkey around in the head end.
I'm going to Springfield.
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( 3.1 / 34 )The House that Murder Built
Saturday, December 20, 2008, 04:35 PM
I'm writing a script. Can you believe it?
My last attempt was the god awful "The Cellar" that still makes me cringe to this day. My current movie is about a lawnmower salesman turned serial killer. It's a long story, but Tom (from work) and I were discussing making a movie next spring and he indicated wanting to make a horror movie. While this isn't going to be a horror movie, it's definitely a thriller. It's definitely the first time I felt like I kind of knew the character I was writing. I'm not a salesman, but I've been around enough of them to know what they're like. Not saying they're all one step away from becoming serial killers, but the script does have a lot of typical salesman stuff in it.
I don't really know how long it is right now. At 12 pt text it's 40 pages long. I'm trying to keep it in standard script format to keep track of time, but I think it's going to be a little longer than 40 minutes. Tom's all gung ho about making a feature-length movie, so it's got to be at least 80 minutes long. I can't even think in those terms. I think the script I've written so far is long enough, but after my second revision on it I guess there are a few more ways I could pad it out to extend it, but not double it.
Tonight is Sean and Jessi's Christmas party and that's where Sariah is. I'll probably never go back to one, but I'm happy Sariah had a chance to go.
Christmas is next week.
Nothing else is really going on.
I discovered a kick-ass new liquor store in Springfield called Famous Liquor on Wabash. It's been around for a long time, but I hadn't gotten around to actually going there until Friday. Nice beer selection that rivals, if not actually bests Friar Tuck in certain ways.I got some Schlafly, Goose Island and Young's that I haven't seen before at Friar Tuck. I'm drinking it now.
That's it for now.
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( 2.8 / 45 )The New Guy
Saturday, December 6, 2008, 01:25 AM
Sariah thinks I have a crush on the new guy at work. When I meet new people it becomes the center of my focus and I spend a lot of time around them. Sariah just thinks its funny because I'm being so coy about the whole thing. I'm just being cautious. I don't want to impose my friendship on this guy considering I'm his supervisor at work. It would seem like I'm doing exactly what Laymon has been trying to do with me for the past 4 years. I feel like Tom and I have a lot in common and could probably work on project together, but more than that we share the same strange sense of humor. In a lot of ways it's like having Tim back at Cass.
I think Tom and I are going to start working on a movie together, but I'm not exactly sure what it would be. We both seem to be playing it a little close to the vest when it comes to inviting each other into our personal endeavors. I just don't know how to approach it on my end. I am around him all day long and I really don't think I could just meet up with him after work and start focusing on making a movie. It's a strange relationship to me and I really don't know if it will flourish under our present working conditions. I can't really tell Tom what to do when we're palling around all the time after work.
Ahh. I'm not going to worry about it or anything. What happens happens. I'm interested in seeing what becomes of this though. It should be interesting to say the least. Hopefully it will help pull me out of the funk I've been in all year. I felt much better when I was walking. I need to get back on that horse.
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( 2.9 / 55 )Sanguis Minimus Corpus Animus
Monday, November 3, 2008, 06:35 AM
It's November now.
I don't really have anything to say.
I'm going home early.
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( 2.9 / 80 )32
Tuesday, October 28, 2008, 03:27 AM
My birthday was this past weekend. I spent it alone.
I bought the game Far Cry 2 and have been playing that for the past few nights. Tom is learning slowly but surely. Even though he's seen some of the crap that makes Cass a retarded company, he hasn't yet been challenged. A part of me feels as though he's going to work out fine, but I can't help but notice little traits he shares with Blake.
Right now my life revolves around my job. I don't do anything outside of work except sit at home and play xbox. I can't get fired up about anything anymore. It all seems like a big waste of time. I'm still drinking, but not as much. I've decided that for the sake of my dwindling bank account I'm going to put the collection on hiatus for a little while until I can get some money saved back. Spending $50+ a week on beer is insane and I really can't afford it anymore. I picked up a 12-pack of Keystone Light over the weekend and could barely get it down. I'm really going to miss the taste of a good beer.
I'm going out in style though. Last night I picked up a Michelob assorted craft beer pack. 3 of the beers I already had, but it also contained Irish Red and Marzen, which I didn't have. I also picked up a wooden crate collectors case of Budweiser. After the Michelob is gone though (I also have a Rogue chocolate stout in the fridge) it's back to cheap, light beer. I need to save money back because there are a lot of things that need to be taken care of around the house and we don't have the money for it. Sariah is working less hours now and even though my checks are steady I find we're still spending way too much on food. I go to lunch almost every day now which is something I haven't done since Tim left Cass. It's amazing how much money you can spend on food in a week.
I was planning on taking a vacation before the end of the years, but now I don't know if I'm going to or not. I don't want to squander a vacation by sitting at home doing nothing. I would rather be at work if that were the case. Crap. I've got to go to Peoria now. This might be my last journal entry for a while. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to post anything because I simply don't do anything worth mentioning.
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( 2.9 / 69 )You're the Inspiration
Tuesday, October 14, 2008, 11:56 PM
I'm not mid-week into the second week with the new guy. I like him, but it's going to take a lot of work to get him to where I'm at. I honestly don't understand why it's so difficult for me to find a job in this industry after actually interviewing people and seeing what their schooling or years of experience has garnered them. Still in all, I've decided to hold off looking for another job until I've put in some time as production manager. Hopefully by then I'll have enough experience and credentials to find a decent job outside of Cass.
I'm spending way too much money and need to cool it once again. This sucks because even with the raise and Sariah clearing a $1000 per month we're still unable to get caught up. Granted our account took a big hit with me catching us up on the power bill and now that it's caught up the last thing I have to do is get the house payment back on track. Once that's done I'm hoping that we'll actually begin saving money back instead of blowing everything we've got. Spending over $200 in one weekend is nuts and it's all on food and gas. I'm tired of it. It has to stop.
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( 3.1 / 83 )More of the Same.
Sunday, October 5, 2008, 04:51 PM
I found out this weekend that I have 40 hours of overtime left for the year. I think I'm going to schedule a vacation sometime in the near future, I just don't know what I'm going to do with that time off. Right now all I'm thinking about is the new person who is starting today. I'm hoping that with him on board things will improve for me, but they probably won't. I'm taking a break from the cake thing just in time to start on the cookie thing. I need to get my mom over here so she can show me how to make them right. I may end up making less than I was originally asked, but that's better for me overall. I kind of bit off more than I could chew with this cookie thing and now I just want to get it done with.
I know I've said it before, but my entire life has become consumed by this job. I've complained about my job many times over to everyone around me and they all think I'm stupid for complaining and maybe I am, but I strongly feel as though I have no sense of myself anymore. Still, I have to struggle with the idea that perhaps I would get along better in my life if I just moved on. In order to get beyond the place I'm at now, I have to open myself up in ways I haven't done in a very long time. In other words, I have to meet new people. It's hard for me because the way I meet new people is by offering my services to them. This doesn't really allow me the ability to develop a close relationship with others because it's usually a one-time deal and often times if the situation gets out of control or simply becomes more frustrating than fun I'll abandon the project and put distance between myself and these people I've met.
Outside of my close friends, I don't really have anyone else in my life that I would hang out with on a regular basis and it's getting to the point where I need that sort of connection. Sariah and I don't really do a lot together. Our tastes are quite different overall. I hang out with Chad every once in a while and that's cool. In fact this weekend we went to Springfield and had a pretty good time. We're going to a gun show next weekend and while I still have no desire to buy a gun, I still find it interesting and it's good for people watching. Knous and I might schedule our remaining vacation time together and try to do something. I don't know exactly what we intend to do during the fall/winter, but I'm sure we'll figure out something.
Next year I'm planning on going out to Arizona to visit Payne. I've talked about driving out there, but that would really only give me a couple of days to hang out because the drive would consume most of my time. Still, a flight is so damned expensive. I've been pricing trains and that seems to be the most cost-effective method of getting out there. It would run us around $500-600 for round-trip tickets, but it would cost us probably just as much in gas to drive. The one downside to taking a train is that you can't stop whenever you want. I've taken a 24 hr plus trip on public transportation before and it's no fun whatsoever. I think it might be worth it just to take the car so we can stop and see the sights whenever we felt like it. I don't know though. It's really up to Sariah when it comes to stuff like that.
Even though I'm planning vacations, that still doesn't change the course of my life and what I've got going on here. Nothing I do has purpose nor can I manufacture my own purpose because it always seems shallow and worthless. I just wish I had some inspiration.
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( 3 / 87 )I Can't Remember Anything
Thursday, October 2, 2008, 12:52 AM
I went in for the "surgery" yesterday. It was a funny experience because I remember a bunch of nurses hooking me up to sensors and putting that oxygen thing under my nose and that was it. I woke back up in a different room, but it wasn't like waking up from sleep as much as it was like I blinked and was teleported into another room. I don't really remember what the doctor said after everything was done. The tidbits I do remember was that there was no ulcer, they found a growth of some sort, it was benign, they are doing some sort of test on it to confirm what it is.....I think.
I'm back to work today and getting ready to go through hours upon ours of painstaking file conversion. Ugh!
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( 2.9 / 109 )Nobody Ever Fucking Crosses Me!
Saturday, September 27, 2008, 01:18 PM
I just reorganized and counted my beer collection.
230 unique bottles and cans. Had I kept every bottle and can I've purchased that number would be significantly higher. I've got some new pictures to put up on my myspace page, but for some reason my stupid-ass computer won't recognize the camera. I think it's about time I invested in a new computer.
Anyhoo, this tonight is cruise night in J-Ville and Fall Fun Festival in B-Town. Sean and the guys are in Bloomington playing Paulie's last show and Knous is sitting at his house doing nothing. I would have gone to B-Town tonight, but the police have stepped up there presence considerably this year at Cruise night so I imagine they are patrolling the highways like a motherfucker. I've already begun drinking tonight and wouldn't stop if I went to B-town so I'm staying right here to avoid landing my ass in jail.
I do think it's odd how many cops were in J-Ville tonight. I think it's a bit oppressive overall. State police and city cops all over the place - it was incredibly stupid. Sariah is out with her sisters doing something. I imagine they'll end up hitting the bars and she won't be home until way later. That's fine with me. Being the reclusive nerd that I am, I will most likely sit at home drinking beer and playing xbox all night. I picked up a 6-pack of Schlafly APA & Pumpkin Ale as well as some Goose Island Harvest Ale and Matilda.
I am so fucking glad this week is over. It was a real nightmare trying to do these cakes in a kitchen without air conditioning. It's something I don't intend to do again. Today I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to shave my beard off. I did it in stages and took pictures along the way. I surprised Sariah with the first trim job which left me with a thin beard connected to a handlebar mustache. I don't know what that trim is called but I looked hilarious with it. To add to the horribleness of it I slicked my hair back with gel. Sariah said I looked like a gay pornstar. The next trim was to a handlebar mustache and while looking funny it is something I wouldn't ever wear.
Eventually I got down to a hitler mustache and then just clean shaven. It's weird not having my beard anymore. I keep stroking my chin and feeling nothing but stubble. One thing for sure is that I definitely look fat without my beard. I also look younger apparently. For the first time in years I got carded today. I can't wait for Monday when I have to face my chucklehead boss. I'm sure he's going to explode with idiocy at first sight of me. Sariah hasn't even seen me yet and I'm sure she'll have nothing good to say. I remember when I first started wearing my facial hair as a full beard and Sariah absolutely hating it. I'll bet money her tune will have changed by now.
I think I'm going to try to remix the last 4PS record....just for shits and giggles.
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