ON-LINE JOURNAL OF CHARLIE DANGO: YEAR 2002

December 28, 2002
Well I just got back from Springfield. Sariah and I went to see Bowling for Columbine at the White Oaks Mall of all places. It was a very good movie. Very reminescent of Roger and Me. We both enjoyed the movie. Sariah is finishing up watching Sabrina right now. I'm typing this because I don't have anything better to do right now. I'm going to check out Newgrounds.com while I'm here. Oh yeah, if you haven't already, be sure to check out a very crazy japanese export that is going to make the world go nuts. Domo-Kun is it's name and entertainment is it's game. It's hilarious! I turned Sean and a bunch of other people on to it at his and Jessie's Christmas party. Soon it will become a household name. Grab all the Domo-Kun stuf you can before it becomes super expensive (future prediction: Next year's Pokemon).

Here is a picture of the big dumb carpety freak! HA!!

December 25, 2002

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ho Ho Ho!!! Merry Christmas! I'm sick as a dog! I probably put my employment at risk by not showing up for work yesterday, but if you felt the way I did (and still do), you wouldn't have gone in either. Sariah and I haven't opened our gifts yet. She is still asleep. We went to her sisters house and watched A Christmas Story and ate cheese till like 3 in the morning. Well everyone who hoped for a white christmas weren't let down this year. We got a pretty decent snowfall yesterday.

This is the second time I've posted news on christmas to this site. Maybe I'll be able to keep it going for a third. You never really know what the future holds. Anyway, have a merry christmas and be thankful for what you have. If you get really drunk, don't drive home even if it is only across town. Also, lend a hand to those in need whenever possible. BLAH BLAH BLAH!! Enough of my talk, it's present time!!!!

December 22, 2002
It's a Sunday and I'm sitting at home alone. I'm not too concerned though because I have tomorrow off. If I didn't then I would probably be a bit upset right now. Sariah and I went to see The Two Towers last night. It's a cool movie, but it's not really an improvement on the first one. It's more of an extension really. Now that we've seen it, there really is nothing left to do this year. Oh wait, I nearly forgot about christmas!

I'm really struggling to think of something I can type here. Uh......I'm mixing Quadrapet's new CD. I don't know if I mentioned that before in the news section. Their drummer is no longer with them and they are now looking for a replacement......Uh....Marina V is playing at Samuel Music in the mall today...........Oh I give up!

December 18, 2002
My second entry after my grand return is a dull one. Not much going on outside of work. Life is getting to be pretty boring these days. As I occasionally read back through my posts it's funny to me how a year ago I would kill for a job. Now that I have one I find not that I miss the old days, but that I have never found completion in life. I was no happier being jobless than I am now with a job. Money has never mattered to me and possessions I use only as a tool in life. Where do I go from here?

I've been successfully cigarette free for nearly two years now and now I'm working on cutting soda out of my life completely (I'm up to one week and counting!). I feel that now the only thing left in my life to do is set up little goals to accomplish. Improving my health and fitness isn't something I'm going to go crazy about. I really don't care to much about physical appearances, but health is another thing. I'm doing all this for the benefit of my health so that I don't end up a 70 year old man who can't move and can't breathe.

Where do I go from there? I have my whole life ahead of me. By keeping my options open I can increase my contacts and eventually do the things I was meant to do. I have learned one thing in this past year; anger prevents growth. For years I've been angry at the world, angry at Full Sail, angry at this and that, blah blah blah! I've been so angry that I don't even know why I'm angry anymore. In life you're only dealt one hand. You can either play or fold, but either choice is a personal one. I'm a creative person who enjoys helping others acheive their goals rather than tearing others down to reach my own. Not being able to go to college was meant to be. Not entering my field after Full Sail was meant to be. Everything that has happened in my life has helped shape me into what I am now. Lord knows I'm not perfect, but I'm at least happy for once in my life with who I am. I'm wiser now and much more prepared for the obstacles of the world. As far as I'm concerned I'm still at the beginning of my journey in life.

I don't intend on being at Cingular forever and I certainly do not plan to make a career out of it. I only wish to use it as a tool, much like everything else in my life. A tool that will help me find my place in the world. The final obstacle of course is fear. How does one overcome their fear of following through on what they set out to do? I'm not a risk taker (at least not a deliberate one!). Prior risk in my life has shown me the error of my ways. Not the error in trying something new, but the error of taking things for granted and ignoring things I should have been keenly focused on. I blinded myself in order to make my wishes come true. When those dreams were left unfulfilled, I had no choice but to open my eyes and witness what I had done. It's a price I and my loved ones are still paying to this day. I vowed never to make that mistake again and I won't.

One thing inevitably leads to another, but sometimes we get caught up on the first step. Have you ever taken a timed exam before? Leading into it you are told that if you come across a problem that you are having dificulty with you should skip it and come back to it when you have completed the questions you know. This seems rational, until the timer has started and you find yourself blankly staring at a question that you have no answer for. Remembering what you were told, you skip ahead only to find another question that perplexes you and another and another. Soon you realize that you can't answer any of them. You are a complete blank. Why? The problem doesn't exist on paper, or in your mind. The problem is with the timer. This is the same as life in a way since we all count the moments we have left on this planet to make the most of ourselves. We often let little problems become our greatest hurdle simply due to the fact that we are always bound by the clock. Much like with tests, skipping beyond the problem at hand only creates more problems down the road. After a while you find that you don't have any answers anymore and you just watch as the time rapidly ticks away.

I know a lot of people who feel that they have no opportunities in life because they didn't do this or that when they were younger. I used to be one of them, always talking about how much brighter my future should have been if only..... I've realized that I can do a lot of things in life. Naturally, there are things I'll never be able to do (like be in the Olympics), but really nothing I did when I was younger could have helped that much. I'll never be a doctor, a lawyer, an astronaut, a policeman, a fireman, a scientist or a soldier, but I'm not complaining. Besides what I've just named and probably a dozen other things that I can't think of right now, I can be anything I want. Telling yourself it will never happen is what keep you from achieving those things. Self doubt will always stop you before reality will.

Man I've just been going on and on.
Anyway, live life to the fullest and stop worrying about how much time you have left to do stuff.

December 16 , 2002
FINALLY!!!!!! I am back. I can start updating my damn news page instead of constantly going to the message board. I got the latest versions of Flash and Dreamweaver from Jack Barnett. It's going to take a few months of toying around to get back up to speed, but at least I'll be working with the new stuff. I'm in the middle of mixing the band Quadrapet. Also, I've been at my job for over 6 months now - a feat that many thought would never happen. HA HA!

I've got to dump all my site files to this computer. So much has happened since my last updates! I'll need to get back to it some other time. I'm in the middle of working on other things, unfortunately.

That pretty much takes care of that!
Please enjoy the following months to come!

Due to complications with my computer, I have been unable to update my website for 2 months. The month of October was cut short, regretably.

October 14, 2002
One night. In one night I was able to get up a mix that I liked of the song "Get You Mouth Wired Shut". These tracks are easier to work with than I first thought. I should have a good mix of all four songs by the end of this week.

In other news, I was contacted by Perry Brown of WEAI in Jacksonville about an opening for.....something on the weekends. HOO HOO!! Imagine me on the radio. Now that would be a riot. It's still and interesting thought. I might just call him back. The only bad thing is that it's on Saturday night. That basically means that I would be leaving work at Cingular and going to work at WEAI. Hey, but at least I would have something to put on a resume (like I even care about resumes anymore!).

I should be finding out about the mics today. I'm going to send the sellers an email to see if they've received my payment. Man, I hope they can get those mics to me before Sunday. That would be great.

October 13, 2002
Well Emagic was bought out by Apple, so they will no longer continue manufacturing products for PC. Damn it! This means I have to buy a god damn Mac. I don't really mind it, I mean Macs are good computers, it's just the fact that I have to buy a completely different computer setup. I'm going to keep a PC around, but I'm going to be forced to jump the fence when it comes to audio. The prices of the new Power Mac dual G4s aren't that bad. I might be jumping ship sooner than later. If I do decide to take the plunge then I'm going all the way. I'm going to get Emagic Logic Audio 5 Platinum and the Logic Control and Control XT interfaces. Plus I'm going to get the TC Works Powercore DSP PCI card for effects processing. By the time I get around to that however I should already have some good monitors (Oh please god! Give me good monitors!!) I get jealous everytime I go over to Pete's and hear his Mackies. They are phenominal!

I don't know what I'm going to do with my old HP. It's served me for almost 3 years now. I can't say served me well since I've had to reformat the hard drive due to a virus, but other than that it has done fine. The old girl needs to be put out to pasture though. I'll find someone who will take it. I just hope they like owning THE WORLDS LOUDEST COMPUTER!!!! Hewlett Packard engineers must have been high on crystal meth when they designed this computer. They attached a fan to a plastic ducting system thing to cool the CPU, but what they failed to realize is that they basically created a horn to amplify the sound of the fan when they attached it to the plastic ducting. Brilliant!

Shane from Quadrapet is coming by today so we can dump their tracks into my computer. He seemed a little hesitant on the phone. I don't blame him. I'm not good with meeting new people so I kinda come off as cold. I don't mean to, but I just live in a sensational world of fear. Once he gets here things should click, that is unless he's utterly repulsed by what I call a studio, HA! That reminds me. I should really clear out some space on the hard drive for his stuff. I really need a bigger hard drive! 20 gigs just don't cut it anymore (This is the point where all of you out there in computerland gasp with astonishment; "ONLY 20 GIGS??").

This week is going to be the longest week of work that I've had in 3 months. 5 days in a row! I know to some that's like "So?", but when you are used to working 3 days, getting a day off, working 2 more days then getting another day off it's sort of a shock to the system. I'm listening to "Jar" right now. For those of you who don't know (The entire world outside of about 10 people!), Jar is a song by Bacteriostatic. Bacteriostatic was the band I was in from 1994 to 1995 and is the band that became Funky Circus Fleas.

October 12, 2002
Yesterday I went to Heights Finance in Jacksonville to take out a loan for additional equipment for recording. I now have to wait until Monday to find out the verdict on the loan. The wait wouldn't really be that bad, but I'm also awaiting two microphones that I have vested a lot of interest in because I've never used these mics before. I'm very interested to see what the will be like. This and the loan combined, plus mixing Quadrapet's new album and Ken's website still up in the air, I'm treading water here. I feel as though I'm drowning. What better way to be hit square in the face with that then to be at home on a Saturday night, alone with absolutely nothing to do and no one to do anything with. Tonight is a glimpse of the reality that I have to accept. I am on a lonely road and not even Sariah is there with me. I used to think that I enjoyed being alone, but I guess that's not really true.

When Payne comes back that might offer something, but in reality I have to constantly reassure myself that nothing will change and this is the life I live. Payne may surprise me and do what he has been talking about doing. The odds are not in his favor. Ever since he mentioned moving back to somewhere around Beardstown the feeling that Payne is going to end up losing everything that he has been working to acheive creeps into my mind. Paynes is a great guy and a dear friend. I love the bastard, but god damn it he is weak to temptation. Being this close to it is just not a good thing. I ought to know. Everytime I end up in a situation where it's just me and that's it I end up feeling the irresistable urge to go back to Beardstown. With Payne, I imagine the draw will be ten times worse. I feel sorry for Payne because I know what's coming. Eventully the worst parts always get the better of us.

One last thing. I've uploaded the entire demo of Trickstar titled "Don't Be Afraid". I got this demo tape from the band back in 1997. I can't believe it's been 5 years since Trickstar. Anyway, the band played a few shows around Springfield then broke up. I deperately missed them and when I started to get online, continuously tried to find someone who knew who they were in hopes that they might get back together. Unfortunately I could never find anyone who knew of Trickstar or any of the members themselves. I cherish the tape and listen to it still to this day. Others may listen to the tape and think I'm screwed up in the head for liking this band, but my enjoyment comes from being at the shows and witnessing the true genius of the band. You really had to have been there to enjoy it on the level that I do.

October 09 , 2002
Well, I finally got this stupid site back up! God damn GeoCities! I'm going to use them as a redirect and that is about it. Unfortunately, my domain name is left hanging until I can figure out a way to get it to direct itself to this site. That kinda means that this site is going to be a hole in the sky for a while. Oh well. Big thanks to Jack Barnett for hosting my stupidity. Maybe one day I'll be able to return the favore somehow. Who knows.

Just to keep you all up to date, I am still at my job and I am buying microphones like a madman. Soon I will be taking out a loan to buy a bunch of necessities as well as an external hard drive. That will be the first piece of my mobile recording unit. The next step will be to get a laptop and to purchase the Layla Laptop interface card. Also, just for those of you that care, I sold one of my Layla units to Pete Vredenburgh so I could get the expansion unit that Echo finally put out that lets you record 16-tracks at once through one card. This is imperitive for my mobile unit since I will only be able to hook up one unit to the laptop. I will need the expansion unit so I will be able to record 16-Tracks simultaneously into the laptop. It's coming together, but it will still take some time and money before it is complete.

Also for those of you who follow the local scene, I have been asked by Quadrapet to mix their new CD. It's an honor and a privilege that I greatly look forward to.

Well, until I get some more news or get the new mic, SEE YA!!

I'm going to be selling one of my Layla24 units If offered one to Pete Vredenburgh, now I'm just waiting to hear back from him. If he doesn't want it then I am going to try to sell it on ebay. I have to get the Layla24exp unit so I can run both Laylas off of one card. It's very important that I get one so I am willing to part with my second Layla to do so. Now some of you may be thinking "Fool! Keep your second Layla and buy two exp units then you can record 32 tracks!! Folks, if you can find a band that needs 32 simultaneous tracks for recording, then give me a call. Most bands will top out at right around 16 (and that is micing every drum in the drumkit!). 16 tracks will do just fine.

So I'm up to par on drum mics, now I've got to invest in vocal mics. I also need to start looking into getting that loan. I'm going to wait and see about getting it until I can confirm that these bands are going to want to record. I'm not going to spend $3000 on stuff just to watch it rot away in my apartment if I don't really have to.

On the home front, Sariah and I just picked up our new car today. Now Sariah doesn't have to walk around J-Ville anymore. Of course, this also means she can start helping with the damn laundry too! I talked with my mother and she is really giving thought to what I've been talking about. Hopefully tonights talk was as productive as it seemed. Very soon, things could be changing for the better. I'll keep my fingers crossed. I haven't even touched the website in a few days. I need to start working on that before it's time to meet with Ken again. I'll have to put in some time tomorrow night. It shouldn't be all that difficult now that we've got the framework mapped out.

Funky played their CD release party, part deux tonight. Sariah went to watch them play. I told her that she wouldn't be back until 1:00 a.m. It's 11:38p.m. right now and it looks as though I'm going to win our little wager. Another work week is upon me. My weekends are pretty useless and silly. I could say that I yearn for more time off, but to do what? I would just sit around my apartment thinking about all the stuff I'm not doing. Screw that! I'm on a god damn mission! I'm not stopping until my mission is complete.

September 27, 2002
So much for meeting with my mother. She didn't even call me till 8:00 P.M.. I told her to leave Mary Lou's so that they wouldn't push anything off onto her. She didn't listen. Now I've got to find some other time to talk to her. Basically I spent all day yesterday doing absolutely nothing. I could have met with Ken and we could have worked out some details about the website, but she never came by.

I got the D-112 yesterday. It's nice. The Audix DP2 set will be arriving on October first. I have been contemplating taking out another loan. That may seem really funny to some people, but not to me. There are things that I need for recording and if there is a possibility that I will be doing that in the future, then I need to aquire at least some of these things if not all of them. I'm sick of borrowing what I should already have. There is still more talk that needs to be done, but who knows. l really don't want to dig myself into another hole like I did with the last loan. If something were to happen at my job and I was let go, I don't think I could afford to pay back the loan. Maybe I could with the recording itself, but I doubt it very much.

I've reduced my rates to $75 per song. After more of an analysis of rates I figured that it was better to charge that amount. If I ever get to the point where I have my own studio, then the price will increase, but for now I'll leave it at $75 per song. I've been getting a pretty good return on my advertising. One post on some obscure Yahoo group and I get emails from 4 bands asking about my services. Of the four, I've gotten 2 returns. That's not too bad. I need to get them out a copy of the FCF cd.

I started a new musical project. It's called "Count Shrimpula and the Shrimp Boat Captains". There is a website and a two songs already for the project. It's just a time killer basically.

September 25, 2002
I'm one day away from receiving the D-112. I'm happy about that. What I'm not happy about is that my mother is unhappy. Life truly sucks.

I'm going to start recording bands soon. I complain about no one wanting to record, but I don't really promote myself so I can't really complain. The reason I don't really promote myself is because I still don't have the equipment to get the job done right and quick. I need just a few more things and then I can start work. It's a tall order, but I need to record 10 songs a month at my standard rate. 10 songs by any number of bands, as long as I can do 10 songs a month, everything will be okay. I'm going to start working towards the future. I don't have any choice really. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life working at Cingular planning out what I can do on my next vacation that I have to wait 6 months for. Fuck that! There is a better way. I can't get to it myself, but with enough people behind it and sharing in the idea, it's reasonable to believe that it can happen.

The business isn't just an idea or a dream, it's a reality that is always going to be 2 years ahead of me. No more fucking around! Everything I do from now on is in order to turn a profit so I can get the business started. My mother is going to leave Mary Lou's and start working at a real job that pays real money. Only with the combined income of my mother, Sariah and myself can this business get started. If I can not only work at Cingular, but generate income on the side with recording, then I have to try. It's going to end up either me trying to find a way to switch to days at work, or moving to a place where I can record a band at night (after I get off of work). 10 songs a month doesn't sound like much, but in reality it is.

My internet service is down today so I won't be able to upload this until later tonight. I've got to go finish laundry.

It's back up. I'll upload it now, then It's off to work.

September 23, 2002
Another Monday. My weekends are really sucking nowadays. I was supposed to meet up with Chad Knous so we could hang out and drink some beers, but he blew me off to go see Funky in Springfield. I asked him if he was going to go earlier that week and he said no. He also didn't answer his phone or return any of my messages. Sariah talked to him at the show and he told her that he didn't get any of my messages. That's funny, I remember leaving three of them.

I'm waiting on my D-112 to arrive. I'm sending off the payment for the Audix set today. I'm eagerly anticipating these mics. I really don't know why I'm so anxious. It's not like I get any business or anything. Essentially these mics are going to sit in my apartment and rot away. Why would I buy something like this when I know I don't have a way to use it? I guess I'm compensating for later on. I'm still hoping there is going to be a sunny day in my future.

My friends have turned their back on me. Not to say they ever had my back to begin with, but now there is the overwhelming presence of distrust in the air. Chris Ottwell and I were working on a new cd for Chinese Water Torture, but that has been postponed for nearly a month. In that month, I will be working on Ken Kingstads website. After the website is done however, I feel as though I will have gone as far as I can go in this area and will be pretty much ready to leave it immediately.

Right now, we (meaning Tim DeWitt, Sean Taylor, Chad Knous, Bub Taylor, Aaron Slater and Chris Ottwell) have all gone our separate ways so to speak. It's rare that any of us want to do what the other wants to. We all do our own things now. People like Sean and I may get pissed at everyone else for not wanting to do stuff with us, but it's our problem really. In the past 14 years I have been with these guys and they have been like a family to me. Now I have to realize that I'm on my own for the first time in all these years. Even Damon and I seem vaguely detached from one another. Our conversations seem to mimic that of an office chit-chat between two coworkers. It's frightening.

Every week it's the same thing. Go to work, come home. My days off are all the same as well. They consist of me sitting at my apartment alone doing pretty much nothing. Now I could try to do something else, but it would involve me trying to track down my friends, then doing pretty much the same thing I would be doing at home except that their house. No one comes over to my place. No one calls me up and asks if I want to hit Springfield or something. I sit alone in my apartment. This is what my life has come to whether I like it or not. Sean wants to make me feel bad because I don't come over to his house. The fact is Sean and I think alike. The only difference is Sean try's to guilt everyone into doing stuff with him and I let it be. I can't change what time has done to our group and I know this. I know why no one comes over. I know why no one calls me up and invites me to go see some movies or stuff like that. It's because we are all traveling down our independent trails now. Everyone once in a while we bump into one another, but that is about it. It's life. I'm not going to make someone fell bad for living their life. It's up to me to find something to do with the time I have now.

This will probably be the last post about all of this I make. I know the situation and I'm trying to find a way to deal with it. It's hard when you just don't have anything to do. Maybe if I started recording bands I would feel better, but around here bands are scarce. I would be surprised if I found one band in the next year that wanted to record. The Funky Circus Fleas CD didn't help the way I thought it would. I guess I just have to keep looking.

UPDATE: I called into work today. To the surprise of everyone (including myself) it wasn't because I wanted to. In fact, I was right outside of the Cingular building when I called in. Sariah called me and told me I had to come back to Jacksonville to give her money so she could go to her doctor's appointment. I was pissed because she didn't tell me that until I was already on my way to Springfield. So I had to call in and turn right back around to come home. So, here I am and I'm probably going to lose my job tomorrow. If I don't then I will still be in line for some bitching. I'm not going to be late or call into work for an 2 months after this fiasco (assuming that they keep me). I'm so pissed off, but I love Sariah. If I lose my job I'll surely find another one. That seems to always be the way it is.

September 20, 2002
Rob Hansen from the Springfield Concert Web just sent me a threat stating essentially that if I don't shut my mouth he will be taking his revenge by removing bands from Bandemonium. Now I know he's not talking about bands like Park or Prone when he makes that statement. This childish nonsense has gone on long enough. Between Rob and Razor threatening me personally or threatening FCF with retaliation I've really had my fill of it. A lot of people are forumating opinions about me based on this ordeal. Simply put, I've been forthright and honest about everything I've said. I stand by my opinion and still believe that this is a stupid matter that all started because of a simple mistake. It says in the warning on the site that posts slamming bands would not be permitted. I guess I'm the only person on the planet who can read because that is what it says. If this was true, then wouldn't that post not have cleared? Since no one on the Bandemonium spectrum wished to simply admit that it was a simple mistake, this situation escalated to what it is today. Rob Hansen had sent me an email stating that posting it was wrong, but Rob has lied numerous times and privately helped fuel this public fued between me and Razor. It's funny cause when it was just Rob and I sending emails back and forth it was cordial and polite. When Rob gave one of my emails to Razor and razor used it to slam me on the FCF Yahoo group, it crossed that boundary.

I just wanted the post removed plain and simple. Now I've got more enemies than I can shake a stick at.

I'm going to have to make a list of enemies that I have cause I know the list would be long. It's amazing how most people can just totally fuck someone over or do something really shitty to someone and it's like water under the bridge. I SAY something either about someone or to someone and I've made an enemy for life. No water under the bridge bullshit, FOR LIFE! It's amazing really. I haven't been able to figure it out. It's nearly a phenomenon!

In other news, I was contacted by Ken the other day and we are going to be starting work on the website again. This time I'm going to play it cool and work out the details first. The way we were doing it before just wasn't working. It seems as though Ken is planning on pushing things back into that arena, but I'm just going to have to decline service if he does because he's going to end up paying me through the nose if every tiny detail has to be debated over at great length. Who knows.

September 17, 2002
What a day. Today is my day off and I'm working on guitar tracks for the new Chinese Water Torture cd. I've been in an online debacle with Rob Hansen from Springfield Concert Web over the censorship on the yahoo group forum. It's just a big, big mess. I'm going to be spending the rest of the day on guitar tracks probably. I've already finished one song, now it's just a matter of doing the rest.

September 16, 2002
I just won a bid on ebay for an AKG D-112. That's nice. Now I can add that to my microphone arsenal. Hopefully I can find more deals on ebay that way I won't have to pay full price for everything I intend to buy. At first when it was getting closer to the end of the auction I was hesitant and really was hoping that I would lose, but now I am happy that I won. I just hope that the guy gets me the total sales info by tomorrow so I can get a money order for that amount.

Bandemonium last nigt, ugh! Sometime in the future I just wish that someone on that show would get it right with FCF. So far I've been in the band, Four Pointed Sisters broke up to become FCF, FCF has been from Jacksonville and the song Solid has been Eye Vs. Spider. What the guys at Bandemonium need is a press sheet for the band explaining everything. Maybe I can work up something like that for those guys. Who knows.

Anyway, I realized last night while listening to Bandemonium that I really need adequate monitors. I can't even hear what I'm missing and what I'm missing is enough to make a great sounding song sound like muffled dog shit. The bass is way too loud on the FCF cd, so compressors try to natuarlly squeeze the entire thing down in the mix, but what this leaves is a bass ridden garbled mess. I was so unhappy with my work last night. I was giving thought to remixing it all, but I won't do that unless the guys in FCF want me to.

It just makes me aware of what I have to be on the lookout for when working on the new CWT stuff. It's a mistake I don't plan to repeat!

September 15, 2002
Chris and I won't be working on Chinese Water Torture this weekend because Sariah and I are going to do something together. I am going to try to record the guitar tracks all through this upcoming week, then hopefully this Sunday Chris will be able to do vocals. I don't know if he'll really feel up to it considering the fact that Funky Circus Fleas will be playing a show at Viele's Planet with Quadrapet this upcoming Saturday. He probably won't want to do anything next Sunday, so maybe I will have to give him a call today. It sucks, but there's not much of a choice here If we want to get this stuff done.

Sariah and I talked about the possibility of buying a house. There are so many things up in the air right now that I can't even think of them all at one time. So many options. It's hard to say what we will do, but the one thing that I do know is that the next few months are going to be tough ones if I don't figure out a path or a goal to set myself on.

I talked to Tim last night. We were watching TV waiting for the Beardstown Fall Fun Festival commercial to come on because our friend Sean Taylor did the voice over for it. It was funny. What else was funny was the fact that this was the first time I actually hung out with Tim in a long time.

Once again I'm going to have to double back on the whole Ottwell recording vocals today. Today's episode of Bandemonium is going to feature FCF, CWT and 4-PS back to back in sort of a tribute to B-Town. Chris has already dropped an indication that he will be at Shiloh Rd to listen to the show so that means no vocals. Essentially, the CWT project probably won't get finished for another month. It's better this way actually. With the guitar tracks on it will help mold the song, but then again it will also confine Chris to a preset melody. Maybe I'll have him record the vocals without the guitar tracks. Who knows.

September 13, 2002
I'm not especially happy today. I don't know why but I just feel down. After a while I start to see that I am going nowhere and that a change is needed before I explode. Unfortunately I'm stuck in a situation that I can't get out of. I know, you're probably thinking that this is no big surprise. I mean, it's true that after the first 3 to 4 months of a job I find myself utterly bored and trapped, but this time it's different. I don't just feel trapped at my job, I feel trapped in my mind. I have examined multiple possibilities and have tried many different things, still I end up chasing the dream of the common man when I know I can do so much more than that. Of course with thoughts like that entering my head many probably assume that I've reached the end of my employment with CIngular. Not so, actually I plan to stay for much longer. See, before it was a simple matter or me getting the idea that I could do so much more and then leaving to do it. Everytime I tried this in the past I would fail. Today is no different and if I quit to pursue outside interests I will fail once again as always. I must stay at my job and get us out of debt. I must do the right thing for a change. I have to put myself aside for once and actually try to focus. Basically I'm doing all of this for Sariah. It's been a while since I talked to her.

September 8, 2002
I called into work yesterday so Ottwell and I could work on Chinese Water Torture stuff. We recorded some vocals, but then ended up drinking the night away. We were able to get vocals for one song completely and like a quarter of another. All in all it's coming along real well. Now I just have to get a guitar and a distortion pedal so I can rerecord the guitar stuff. My site has turned into me just talking about 4-PS, CWT and FCF lately. I guess that's because it's the only thing really going on in my life right now.

Sariah's birthday is coming up. I really don't know what I'm going to get her for her birthday. She seems to already be taking care of the ring situation, so I guess I'll have to look for something else. My throat is sore. Sariah and I are probably going to go to my mom's today. We don't really have anything else to do. We don't have a lot of money though, so we won't be going out to eat or going to the movies.

Payne called me yesterday. We talked about what he's going to do when he gets out. Sariah and I are going to move out of our appartment and try to get Payne and his fiance in. Payne is fired up about getting out and jamming, but we don't have equipment and Payne is going to take a long while to get back in the flow of playing drums. We also have to pound out what kind of style of music we are going to play. We haven't even really talked about that. I don't know. None of this may even happen. It's all future tense stuff and really could change at any time.

Things over at Bandemonium continue to heat up as mounting frustrations rise. I'm sort of let down by Rob Hansen's silence. I brought up a point in the bandemonium forums about local music showcases always being booked before they are announced. To my surprise (and I don't really know why I was surprised in the first place) no one seemed to care about it. The general concensus was "that's just the way it is". You know, with that kind of mentality you would think that people wouldn't bitch as much as they do. I find it the politics of music disturbing. Any legitimate concern you may have must be put on the backburner or ignored all together in hopes not to piss off the very people you are looking to promote your band. It's bad because the people with the power are not leaders and have very fragile egos and don't handle criticism well so whenever you voice your opinion or concern they lash out against you, which may even include banning your band from events.

When you are a band just coming up, people can't wait to get in line to mock you or offer "constructive criticism". For years I've read reviews of people slagging everything about a band, but feeling justified because it was in the vein of constructive criticism. Bands have to take this shit for years and years, but ANY criticism or opinions about venues, shows, promoters etc. results in a childish standoff between band and said entity. The worst part about it is that nothing will change if people continue to embrace it as if it was the only choice they had. There is no honesty in music and everything that is said at a public level is almost always a lie. Trying to find logic or reason in it is a futile endeavor. That is primarily why I stopped going to Garageband and really have no interest in going back. That appears to be the situation locally as well. I've found myself slipping into old habits, but I'm not going to indulge them because I know where they lead. My philosophy now is this: If people want to spend the rest of their lives tap dancing around issues then so be it. No matter what people tell you, one person cannot make a difference with simply and opinion.

September 5, 2002
I apologize for that last outburst. It's just frustrating when every band in Springfield are at each others throats. I guess I'm no different. In regards to Big Fur and Enamel, I can say that those bands are not my cup of tea, however there are a lot of people who feel differently than me on the subject and for that do not deserve to be cut down. It really doesn't do any good publicly venting, but I don't have any other outlet.

Now you might say "Hey, Charlie never acts this way!". You might also think that I'm going soft because I'm being pressured to change my tune. Now if you really knew me you would know that if someone was trying to pressure me into not speaking my mind it would only fuel me. I'm retracting my earlier statement because once you really stop and think about it there really is nothing wrong with Big Fur or Enamel. They are people just like everyone else and play music I don't like much like a lot of other bands around Springfield. Let's just say I have my favorite Springfield area bands list and those two are not on it. I figure instead of preaching about how stupid this music scene is because every band in it cuts each other down I'm going to practice what I preach. I'm not going to cut down bands, even the ones I really don't like.

In other news, I've dumped a CDs worth of old Four Pointed Sisters stuff into my computer and will be burning it to disc shortly. It's funny but we have 80 minutes of additional material that we never put on cd before. All of it was from the "Saturday Night Beaver" sessions (which subsequently became the Based On a True Story album). 33 tracks in total. That's a lot of stuff. There is a bunch of crappy covers of songs by KId Rock, Metallica, Offspring, The Cars and Funky Circus Fleas on it as well. It's a rip roaring good time and is available only to ME!! HA HA HA!!! Well, I'll burn a copy for anyone who wants it. Here is a list of the songs featured on the cd.

How many of these songs have you heard of before?

1. Intro (duh)
2. Kid Rock
3. Crack Diet
4. You Got It Goin On
5. God Damn Dope
6. Dot Com
7. Do It With Tim
8. Brown Eye
9. Can Ya Hear Me
10. Best of the Best
11. Spring Break Sessions 12. Any Day Now Boyeez
13. Bury Me When I Die
14. Easter Bunny Blues Pt. 2
15. Mein Heir
16. House of Phallic Symbols
17. Keep It Together Pt. 2
18. Hey I'm Hard to Know
19. Let's Trash This Dump
20. Tim Start This One Out
21. Tommy Boy
22. Enter Sandman 23. Laugh at This
24. Just What I Needed
25. Test It
26. The Last Test
27. That One Offspring Song
28. I'm In Pussy Country
29. Cult of Kurt
30. All About The Wife Beating
31. Grow Up
32. Tony on Bass (Edited Version)
33. Indian Round-Up (Get In The Van Pt. 2)

FOUR POINTED SISTERS
Der Kommisar's In Town, BIATCH!
All of the the audio that will be on this CD will consist of outakes and songs that didn't make the cut to be featured on the full-length album "Based On a True Story". This is for the folks who actually cared about the band and still to this day cherish the style and creativity of Four Pointed Sisters (Long story short, it's for the band members).

September 4, 2002
I can't take it anymore. Big Fur sucks. They are trying to revive cock rock and since we live in the armpit of society it's actually working. Why do bands play up to the easiest crowd in the world. Let's face it folks, if you want to get popular real quick, write a bunch of songs about girls and sex and parties. It also doesn't hurt looking good, but then again no body in BIg Fur is that attractive and they still get a large female audience. Then again, the female audience they get isn't that attractive either. I guess at the end of the day when the sweat has poured and everythings clouded over in a beer-induced haze Big Fur turn out to be the greatest band in Springfield, till you sober up and realize that there is ABSOLUTELY NO SUBSTANCE to their music.

I've tried to be polite and keep my mouth shut, but I can't do that anymore. Big Fur suck. Enamel so far are not much better. I mean, they are sort of different than Big Fur, but then again they're not. The singer is horrible. I mean HORRIBLE! He tries to sing these parts that he can't sing and it turns out really bad. I wouldn't really care as much if it wasn't for the horribly low standards of Springfield listeners boosting their ego. It's like everyone in Springfield are so starved for local music that they will like anything that comes down the pike without any discrimination. Cock rock, it's good! Bad singer, it's good! Horrible band, it's good! Let's just say I'm glad that people from Springfield don't work for Billboard because all you would see in the top 40 would be an odd mix of hair bands and stupid "Drowning Pool" like bands. Ugh. I really, really, REALLY need to move away from here.

September 3, 2002
Chris and I spent all of Sunday and Monday working on new CWT stuff. We've got seven songs in the air right now. The real question is will we finish them or not? They are pretty cool songs and I hope that we do finish them. Outside of that, nothing really has been going on. We missed Bandemonium this week due to recording and Sariah and I did a half-assed job of doing our laundry.

I've got to get to work now. I'm running late as is. I was hoping to dump the stuff before I went to work, but I guess I'll just have to do it tonight. No big deal really. Nothing going on. Back to total and complete boredom. Oh, Toad and J Rod are back from Los Angeles. They got laid off and now are spending the winter in Beardstown. They said that they plan to travel back out to Cali in January. First, all they have to do it get good paying jobs here and save up the money. Ah! Saving money. I know all about that.

I bid on a laptop computer on ebay. I'm hoping I get it, but I probably won't. I think I already put something on my message board about this. Anyway, I get paid this week, so that will come in handy as well.

I've really got to go.

August 25, 2002
It's 1:15 P.M. and Sariah and I are just getting up. We went to Chris Ottwell's house last night and had a little to drink. Played chess with Ottwell. All in all I had a pretty good time. Now I'm probably going to end up wasting the entire day away today, but who cares.

I talked to the boys in Funky yesterday too. We watched the footage of their show at Viele's this past Friday (well, what there was of it anyway). I submitted a thing to the SCW news section about recording bands, now it's just up to them whether or not they will want to post it or now.

UPDATE: I got home from Springfield somewhere around 9:20. I bought the Transformers first season DVD collection (More DVDs!!!) and Sariah bought a shirt and some other stuff. We caught the first 2 hour installment of Bandemonium this week. I really wish they would stop playing the old CD, but I really don't have a say in the matter now do I.

I guess Chris and I are going to start work on some more Chinese Water Torture stuff. I don't have a lot of time, but it doesn't take long, really. Who knows, maybe we'll end up being superstars. Yeah right. I'm just playin, yo!

August 19, 2002
The rumor was true, sorta... Chris Ottwell was approached by Harsh Entertainment about possible management. It's still a good offfer, I just wonder if they are going to follow through on it? See, Aaron isn't a cock smoker after all! I went over to Ottwell's house Saturday night and talked with him for a while. At around 2:00 a.m. I went to Chad Knous's new trailer (that was the whole reason I went to B-Town in the first place!) It's a nice setup. Now if Chad can keep it clean and maintained it will be a great place to live for a long while. Since I didn't get back to Jacksonville till 5:30 in the morning on Sunday, I ended up sleeping all day long and not doing a damn thing. Well, I watched Super Troopers, but that is about it. I just love those days when I waste my day away sleeping and watching movies. It makes me feel like a bum again.

Ken and Angie Kingstad got a new BMW motorcycle. Sariah went riding on it this weekend and talked about how cool it was. Now they will probably get another one so both Ken and Angie can ride their own.

This is the third week in a row where I haven't caught Bandemonium. For the past three weeks I've been in situations where I was occupied. I wonder what I have been missing? Reading over the Funky Circus Fleas website, I see that they finally played Solid. What? Chinese Water Torture? Man they must be starved for new music on the show. I also see that they are going to 2 hours starting next week. That's cool. That means there will be two hours of Bandemonium a week that I will probably miss out on.

I've got to stop spending money. I'm taking my whole check this week and depositing it all. This time, however I will not take any of it out. This past weekend, just for something to do Sariah and I took out $500 and went to Springfield with Jill. We went out to eat and watched Pluto Nash. Now we only have $250 left. ???? NEED TO STOP SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON NOTHING!!!!!

August 17, 2002
Guh! I hate the fact that I spend so much money on nothing. I have a disease where I have to buy every DVD I can. It's sick. I end up with movies I don't even want or otherwise wouldn't buy normally simply because I saw them on sale. I bought A Beautiful Mind the other day for $12.00. Don't get me wrong, it's a good movie and all, but it's not the kind of movie I would buy. I just had to have it because it was on sale. It's like a compulsive disorder. I'm never going to get up to the $2000 mark if I keep buying stupid shit! GUHHHH!!!!!

It's amazing how I have nearly nothing to talk about anymore. I guess that is bound to happen every once in a while, but it's been like this for a long time now. I need to get out of this funk. I don't know how though. Oh yeah, we're off manditory overtime (at least for a while). This will be the first time in 2 months that I will be working 8 hours a day instead of 9 and a half. In the words of Ottwell, WOO HOO!!!!

I heard a rumor (an Aaron rumor!) that Funky got signed to a label. If this is true then cool, if not then Aaron needs to suck a turd like the faggoty cock smoker he is! It would be really cool if Funky got signed to a label (not to mention amazing considering the fact that they haven't played anywhere really, the only thing of theirs that has been played on the radio is the old stuff and they don't even have their songs posted on the website) because it will be the fulfillment of everything we all have worked for our entire lives. Basically a culmination of Beardstowns creative effort. It's really weird how we all started out seperately in the beginning, but all ended up coming together under the FCF banner. Tim DeWitt, Sean Taylor, Aaron Slater, Randy Hoar, Chris Ottwell, Bub Taylor, Chad Payne, Rusty Barnett, John Aten, John Crowe, Marty Carol, Jason Perry, Brandon Taylor, Brian Oster, Ted Rink, Jim Spencer and Me. We all helped create what inevitably became Funky Circus Fleas. I just hope that the rumors are true (mind you, this is an Aaron rumor again!) because those guys came a long way, some longer than others, but still all in all a long way to get here. They don't have anywhere else to go, they don't have anything else to do. Funky Circus Fleas is all they have. Now it would be nice if they could get their shit together.

What am I saying, it came from AARON!!!

August 15, 2002
Today is Thursday. This is the last day of the week before I get a day off, or course then I have to work Saturday. I'm going to go to Chad's place tomorrow and check it out. Sariah and I are going to go to Springfield in the morning. That is it ladies and gentlemen. My life is that dull now. I don't have time to really think about anything anymore, so I don't have topics to write about. Now my life is just one big ball of work and sleep. I was thinking about recording some new Charlie Dango stuff, but Tim came and got his stuff from my apartment. I guess it just reinforces the idea that if I want to record something of my own I will have to buy my own stuff to do it with. I can't keep borrowing everything.

Tim told me the other day that his Sony camcorder broke. Well, not the camera itself, but the firewire port. That sucks, but he already bought a new camcorder by the time I talked to him. I hope everything is working out for him. He wants me to help him find an apartment in J-Ville. I talked to Sariah about it and she doesn't know of any apartments that are available. I'm going to have her put her nose to the grindstone (since she knows more people from here than I do).

Jesus! Sariah needs to be getting to work. I wonder what is keeping her?

August 8, 2002
Okay, so I can't stay away. What else do I have to do with the 30 minutes before I have to go to work? I'm tired. I just want to get through the rest of this week and relax. I don't even think I'm going to go swimming this weekend because everytime sariah and I go swimming it turns into us having to do something more complex which results in negative relaxation. Like last Sunday I took my niece and nephew (and Timmy) out to the drive-in at Knight's Action Park. It sucked because we had to watch A Knight's Tale. What we went to see was The Holy Grail, but that didn't come on until after the first movie. That sucked! There was no way I could stay that late having to work the very next day, so we just left after the first movie. For the next three days after that my back had been hurting horribly from sitting in the back seat of my car trying to watch a stupid movie. The next time we go to that theatre (assuming we ever do again) it will just be Sariah and I.

I've got today, Friday and Saturday left before my day off, then I've got to work another four days in a row before I get a day off. I really, really, really don't like this scheduling. Illinois Skills Match sent me another update. Apparently they have finally changed their website over so that users can update their resume online and not have to go to IDES. I got a few more offers, but nothing that compares to what I have now. If something better comes along, then I will think about switching. Right now the only thing that is remotely better involves traveling, and I really don't want to travel (not to mention I think it's a commission based job, in which case I definitely don't want it!).

The only real way I'm going to get away from the internet for a while is to shut off my service, which I have been seriously contemplating anyway. At least until Ken decides he wants to finish this website, I really don't do anything on line. Who knows. I've got to go wake Sariah up now.

Oh yeah, there might be something interesting happening in a little bit. More on all that crap later...

August 6, 2002
TODAY IS THE DAY!!!!!!!

Ha ha ha!!! THE SIMPSONS COMPLETE SECOND SEASON DVD HITS THE STORES TODAY!!!!!!
I'm getting a copy! I've been waiting months and months for this. Ever since I got the first season set to be exact. I can't wait! OH YEAH!!!!

I'm not very happy because of some recent online drama that I'm not going to play a part in. With the amount of time I have available to me I can't imagine wasting it on pointless word-wrestling. My posts to the news column are becoming more abstract and senseless. This means I won't be posting as much news as I usually do. At least not for a while.

August 5, 2002
"Well I've decided that I am going to cut all ties with Funky Circus Fleas"

This seems to be the big topic on everyone's mind I suppose. It goes like this. For years I have been working with FCF trying to help them do something. I've recorded them many times in the past, I've promoted them, I've helped Tim shoot two videos for them, I've run sound at one of their shows and many other things. Right now I have no time. Absolutely no time to do anything. Sunday I spend with Sariah, and whatever other day Cingular decides to give me off for the week I spend running errands and doing chores around the house. I have NO time.

Sean contacted me and stated that FCF needs me? For what, I ask. I have done all that I can do and do not wish to do any more. I don't have the time to do anything else. I don't go to shows anymore so I'm not much of a help there. I've already finished the cd so there is nothing more I can do there. I don't have time to promote shit anymore. I was working up a plan to record some big cover album or maybe do some Charlie Dango stuff, but I don't have the time for that.

The fact is that I simply do not have time for anything anymore. I barely have enough time to update this website. Once I get things on track with the business, things will change. Let's face facts though. By the time I get this business going there may be no FCF anymore. Perhaps FCF will be touring the country by then. Either way, by the time I get some free time things will be different. I'm focusing on my job and on Sariah - two things that I am trying to keep stable and stick with for as long as I can. I'm happier now than I have been in a long time. The only thing I wished I had was more time.

August 1, 2002
Well today is August 1st and was also my day off this week. I did absolutely nothing today. I feel bad. Sariah and I got in a big ass fight last night over her ongoing "I don't care about anything" attitude. Today I was going to go to Springfield and go swimming at my mothers, but Sariah needed the car. I stayed at home instead. I made a new flash movie today, but it's more or less just a parody/tribute to a group of individuals calling themselves the ClockCrew. I frequent there website a bit and post on their message board. It's really more or less an inside joke more than anything else. You would just have to understand.

Well I've decided that I am going to cut all ties with Funky Circus Fleas. I'm done with the cd and I'm not the webmaster of their site anymore. I think my work is done. I'm now dedicating what's left of my time to getting out of debt and getting the business started. People continue to act as if this is out of my reach. I don't understand how people keep thinking this. If I didn't know any better I would think that these people actually didn't want to see me make this happen. I don't care about any of that now. People stand in the way and for years I have just tread water with the weight of the world on my shoulders, stopping at every pass to add a new burdon to my already overloaded strife. I let ideals carry me through the rough times and used it as a shield from reality. Sariah has always wanted what is best for the both of us. I'm just now starting to realize that. I always believed that she only understood one side of the spectrum, which may still be very true, but she had a greater understanding of what had to be done. Granted I can't call her a saint for this, rather a tortured soul. It's her own inability to excel that reflects back to me the greater meaning in all of this. I don't want to just say that Sariah is a worker drone and will be for the rest of her days, but facing facts, Sariah willfully sells herself short in life. In a way, it's like her plight is a mirror of my own. I see many missed opportunities and failed attempts at exceeding my previous expectations. I see years of stagnant waste that has left me feeling nothing more than guilt for a life so squandered in excess. Now I'm not trying to say that I was a wild card by any means, but that doesnt rule out the fact that I lived off of the courtesy and graciousness of others for a considerable portion of my life. A time where a person does not have to work could be utilized with so many possibilities for change that it is hard to imagine not growing, but that was my life. 6 years of my life gone and what have I accomplished?

Speaking of being in a hurry, I've got to go.. Thanks a lot to everyone who voted for Delroy Lindo on the Bandemonium countdown. Be sure to catch the show every Sunday at 8:00 P.M. on 92.7 WQLZ (even if we aren't on it!).

June 27, 2002
I HATE MY COMPUTER!!!!!! I can't mixdown anything!!! WHY GOD WHY?????? I have no choice but to start dumping the FCF core tracks from the computer. Maybe if I free up more hard drive space it will work better. I've got 2 gigs left, but for some reason it won't finish rendering the songs. I've uninstalled/reinstalled Vegas, so that's not causing the problems. I was thinking that there might be something corrupt with the tracks, but they all play back fine. It has to be my hard drive. Once I tackle this problem, the cd will be completed.

Man, it's been a while since I last posted to the actual news section. This just goes to show how often I'm actually at home with enough free time to do this sort of stuff anymore. I've been trying to juggle the FCF cd with the RVDSM web design site. Too much at one time. Once I get settled into my job I'm sure things will become more steady. I'm going to start learning SQL/PHP stuff at work (reading books, gasp!!). Why would I do such a thing? I don't know, really. I don't intend to really make any money off of it. I just want to learn how to do it so I can incorporate it into this site.

Sean thinks I should get a .com name for charlie dango in which to put this site. I've already got opaque-entertainment.com, but I really only use it for charlie dango. Maybe he's right. We'll see just how right he is when I force him to record drum tracks for me!! HA HA HA!!! I was listening to some old Charlie Dango in the car. I really miss those songs (how conceded, right?). I don't know. I just need something to kill the boredom of life.

I'm back online again, chatting away in message board after message board. I actively work three boards and still get tired of waiting for people to post. I guess I'll just have to find some more. If you want to find me, check the following places:

In closer to home related news, I nearly burnt down my apartment today. Like a dyslexic freak I turned on the wrong burner on our stove. By the time the aroma of melted plastic and spices hit me the kitchen had already been engulfed in smoke. It's now 6 hours later and I'm still smelling melted plastic. I'm a moron sometimes!

June 22, 2002
I'm not in a good mood today. Today I have to go in an confront the people at Jessie's Pets about the tank they were supposed to fix 2 weeks ago. Yesterday, Tanya's husband told me that they were going to have to purchase 3/8" plate glass. He told me how much it cost and everything and I started to get the impression that we were being charged for the glass. I'm going up today to find out for sure if we are or not. If we are not, then that's fine. If we are, then I will be taking whats left of our tank back and informing the people at Jessie's Pets that we will no longer do business with them.

Am I making a rash decision? No. Over a month ago Tanya at Jessie's showed us this tank that had just come in. She was going to sell it to us for $100, we agreed. We got the tank home, set it up and were shocked to discover that a crack had developed. The question of whether or not this tank was ever used as an aquarium began to come into play. Also, it was clear that Jessie's had not tested the tank before selling it to us. I tried in vain to fix the broken tank, only to be met with failure as the new bottom piece cracked as well. Unsure or what to do next, we decided to go back to the source. Tanya told us that she would take the tank back and repair it and if it didn't work that she would work something out with us. Tanya's husband, however had a different opinion about the matter and openly expressed it to me, the customer who Tanya was trying to help.

Weeks go by and nothing has happened. The first week, Tanya told us that they haven't had time to get to it and that we should try back next week. That's understandable. I know how difficult it is to get to it with tank repair. Week two is upon us and it's the same story only with a slight twist. Now they have held up working on it because they are going to buy plate glass. It left me puzzled as to why Tanya's husband would start quoting prices, as if to say "we aren't moving forward until you agree on the purchase of 3/8" plate glass". I'll find out today for sure, but it's really going to piss me off if they try to turn this around, especially after they told us that they would take care of it.

I hate that! When you get poor service and the store tries to play it down like they are the victim when you come in to complain. I really don't want to buy another tank, but I guess we are running out of options. I think I will take the refund if they won't fix the tank. I mean, what the hell are we going to do with the stands and hood? Also, it will piss me off to know end to know that we paid $100 for stands and hoods alone.

In FCF related news, I'm still not finished with the CD, but I have uploaded a song to the internet. I know they are highly anticipating the CD, but they don't know what I have to do to get this done. I have to mix down every single track one by one so I can save the effects I have running on them, then reload all of the tracks into a new file for mixing. This is the way it has to be done because I can't mix properly without HEARING the song! I've fully converted the files of two songs and am still working on the rest, but it is going to take a couple of days just to finish that (my computer has been going really slow lately). Man I can't wait to get a new computer. Celerons suck!!

Finally, if you are near a radio this Sunday at around 8:00 P.M. and you can pick up WQLZ in Springfield, then listen to Bandemonium.

June 20, 2002
I'm sitting here thinking about all the time I had to type up every little thing that was going on in my life. Jesus! I can barely find time anymore to do anything. When I finally get time to do something like this, I'm usually tired and can't focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. I guess the only thing that I can do is just keep typing and maybe I'll think of something to say.

In case you didn't already know (how would you?) "Delroy Lindo" is going to be in the Top 5 on Bandemonium this week. That's cool, but it can't last forever. I'm trying to finish up the FCF CD so I can get that over to WQLZ. Also, I need to finish that up so I can send off copies of a bunch of different CDs. I owe about 4 people copies of 4-PS and FCF. If you are reading this and I promised you a CD, hold on just a little longer. I'm feverishly working on it (I haven't forgotten about you, Skull Shadow!).

Uh...the jobs going fine so far. I'm just now finishing up the third week. One week to go and I'll be in transition and that means no more Saturdays for a while. No big deal. I didn't do anything with my Saturdays anyway (except be with Sariah). Sean wants to start a Neil Young cover band. He said that we could do it on Sundays, but I won't be able to for my time in transition because that will be the only day I have to spend with Sariah. Also, I've been giving it some thought as well. Do I want to be involved in another musical project that will ALWAYS take the backseat to FCF? I don't know. I've got to think about things nice and hard. Payne talks about jamming, but he is talking about staying in Champaign. I really don't want to drive two hours there and back just to jam, but I also don't want to force Payne to go out of his way. Maybe things will change by the time he gets released. I don't know.

I want to do a remake of the song "Head over Heels" by Tears for Fears, but I need to find the right singer for the job. I won't attempt it because I can't sing that way. It's just kinda on the menal backburner for now, but I think it would be cool as hell to do. Right now I can estimate that I will be at my job till the end of the year. That is an estimate though. If I make it till the end of the year, I will have quite a bit of money saved back (nearly $13,000.00). That will be used to pay back debt. Once the debt has been paid back I will have to remain at my job for a while longer so that I will be able to save back money for a downpayment. On what you ask? A home. A home, which will be the foundation of the business that my mother and I were trying to start well over a year ago. If I can pull it off, we will be able to start the business by the end of next year. This is assuming that my mother helps as well. If it will solely rely on what Sariah and I save back, then it will take even longer. I've decided that if starting the business is going to stretch beyond the end of next year, I am going to try to transfer to the call center in Ocala, FL. I don't want to stay in central Illinois much longer if I don't absolutely have a reason to.

There is a possibility that Sariah might become the next Assistant Manager of Pizza Hut. Her current Assistant Manager might be going into the Army in October. If he does, then Sariah is going to take the Assistant position. That will be a positive step for Sariah in her life. If she can gain managerial experience then she can apply it to other markets (not just Pizza Hut!). She may even be able to start the business she has been talking about for years. Who knows, but financing from a pre-existing business venture always helps in the matter.

See, just typing stuff out here and there. Look how much space I've filled. One last note, Sariah's uncle Kerry may not have much longer to live. He has cancer complicated by AIDS and is currently on oxygen and morphine. He has suffered with cancer for many years now and last year it nearly took his life. It's a hard thing to think about. Do you hope he will pull through or do you welcome his untimely demise? Wanting someone to keep living is a natural emotional response, but when staying alive means living in extreme pain, what options are you left with? It's a crazy world we live in.

June 16, 2002
Well this weekend has been worthless. I got the brakes fixed on our car, but other than that it's been pretty dull. Sariah and I got into an argument over who was going to take the car to get fixed. Stupid.... I know! Sariah is giving up smoking so she is really on edge. I'm proud of her for quiting, but it's a hard road that we have to travel.

I'm waiting for 8:00 so I can listen to Bandemonium on WQLZ. You know, this was a good idea on their part. I never listen to QLZ, now I'm actually anticipating a show. You know that it has to end soon because it's just too good of a thing to keep going. Not to mention the Springfield music scene is ripe with jealousy and bitterness. I can't see local bands getting all worked up over this because they know that if left up to the public, this show is just going to be a popularity contest and really start to suck after a while. A person who posted to the Springfield Concert Web's guestbook stated that the show was crap because the song that won out was a "15 year old song". Actually, it was more like 10 years old, but who's counting right? He did have a point. Old NIL8 is gone. There is a new NIL8 that crawls the earth and they are a mere shadow of their former selves. Giving them props today for things they did a decade ago only translates into success for them now. There are a lot of hard working bands out there who do everything within their power to make it, but since this area has never and will never cater to the needs of the local musician, bands like NIL8 will still be the most popular acts in this region because if you've been alive long enough you know who they are.

People just getting introduced to music in this area probably don't see what the big deal is about NIL8. They don't understand the history of the band and their brief stab at success and how far they've went and what they mean to this community. All in all, these people have a competitive edge over the rest of us who have spent years listening to NIL8. They see beyond the BS that everyone else is trapped in. The unfortunate downside to this is that this community loves the norm and it would take a miracle of god to change their minds. NIL8 in this region is practically a household name. How do you remove the stigma of that? How do you one-up the biggest name in Springfield? It's a pathetic plight really, but most bands don't understand that they are in direct competition with a legacy.

I spoke with a women 2 years ago about local bands. She was a fan of F5. I assured her that the only reason F5 were popular is due to the fact that they covered everyone's favorite songs and that it was much harder for the original musician to be heard when bands like F5 were out there. She didn't get it, of course. She also couldn't understand why I was working (I met her at work) when I was in a band. Now I didn't get it. Apparently she was convinced that bands got paid quite a bit to play shows. I laughed. She started to understand when I told her how much Four Pointed Sisters had made in the entire lifespan of the band.

I hope Bandemonium changes things, but I'm not a fool. This area's scene has been shit for a decade. Some people felt that Springfield could be a catalyst for new and exciting music like Seattle was back in 92, but they forget that Seattle is a major city, Springfield is just the capital of Illinois. Besides, scenes aren't created around bands alone, they have to be forged from a style and since there are no bands from Springfield that break the mold no one should expect big things from any band in this area. So will Bandemonium thrive in the face of massive opposition? I hope so.

June 13, 2002
Not much going on today. Bub just finished recording his bass tracks so now I can finish up the FCF CD proper. I'm contemplating going to B-Town (now you know how little there is going on!). I should start working on my website for RVDSM Web Design, but I just don't want to look at a computer monitor anymore. I wan't to be free!! I'll start on back in on it this weekend maybe. I just don't know!

Shane from Quadrapet is going to send me a copy of their new CD once they finish it. I figure that I can return the favor and send him a copy of 4-PS and the new FCF CD. I still owe those CD's to Todd and Sean from Skull Shadow, but I've been putting off sending the package until I get the FCF CD done. I also have to take some to WQLZ so they can include them on Bandemonium. That's three per. I've got a lot of work to do.

............... I'm thinking.................

June 12, 2002
Almost halfway through the month now. Time sure is flying by. That's good in a way, but also bad too. I don't have a lot to say this time around. Tim came over yesterday and we hung out for a while. We talked about WQLZ playing Delroy Lindo on the air. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you should visit the Four Pointed Sisters site for more info. Uh... I'm going to be handling web stuff for Tim with Opaque Productions. Perhaps this time he will keep it going longer than just for the summer. Since all he's going to be doing pretty much is weddings (his estimation), then he will be in the stride he wants to be in. I am going to handle the web end, but I'm going to call my services RVDSM Web Design because I've already got some logos made and I don't want the services I do to be listed as Opaque Productions because if Tim decides to give it up I would like to break free and still retain my client base. I've started a website now, but between work and the FCF cd I don't have a lot of time to monkey around with it. I find myself waking up every morning at 6:00 and tossing and turning restlessly for 30 minutes each morning. I don't know why I do it. It must be my body trying to tell me something.

I'm almost halfway through the week as well as the month. I'm not looking forward to this weekend. I really don't want to do RGIS, but what else am I going to do? Sariah will be at her mom's so I will be here in J-Ville all alone. Damon said that he would possibly stop by on Saturday. I've got to get the brakes on the car fixed this Saturday too. Also, I have to see if our tank has been repaired yet. Sunday I suppose I will have to do laundry as well. Man, just when I though life was great. That's a joke of course. Things are actually starting to look up for me. Perhaps it was all those years I spent on the bottom end that led to this. I guess if you believe in fate that would apply. My mother would say that it is God's doing. Maybe she's right? I don't know. The only thing that I know is that I have a chance to make things better and I'm not going to give up on it.

June 10, 2002
Hello again. It's Monday morning and I'm just updating the news section here. Uhh...well I've only got three weeks of training left now. I got my medical information in the mail over the weekend as well. It's pretty good coverage so that is nice. Hopefully after a while Sariah will just quit Chordant, but who knows. I might get out onto the floor and realize that I hate this job. Like I tell everyone else, I won't know how the job is until I actually start. I'm getting tired of the morning shift, I can tell you that much at least. Three weeks is a long time when you have to wake up at 6:00 in the morning.

I went swimming over the weekend at my mothers. Sariah and I also went to a movie. We saw the movie Insomnia. It's pretty good. Other than that, we didn't really do a whole lot this weekend. Perhaps the weekend after next we will have more to do than just going to my mom's to swim (not that it wasn't fun or anything).

This schedule really sucks. Hopefully when I rotate to the floor things will be better. I'm not holding my breath. I mean, I have three weeks left of this schedule and I already hate it. It will probably take me a three to four months on the floor before I gain enough seniority to keep the schedule that I want. That is a long time of getting bumped around. I'll hate it if I have to work Saturday's any longer than a month. Saturday is one of the only good free days I have with Sariah. I would rather work on a Sunday than a Saturday.

I talked to Damon for the first time since I called Cingular. He was pissed that I got the job and he didn't. He shrugged it off because he is going to be starting school (again). Cingular's policy regarding school isn't a good one, so I don't blame him really. I told him that if he really wanted the job that I could work in a few recommendations to the HR dept. to see if he could come in for an actual interview, but he said that he didn't really want to. I don't know if it is pride or what. Hell, I abandoned pride when I asked him for the number. Every comment he made about the job (based on what I told him) was positive. I don't know why then he wouldn't want to give it a shot. It would be great for me if he started working there because then I wouldn't have to ride to Springfield alone.

Oh yeah, I caught the tail end of WQLZ's Bandemonium last night. It seems like Springfield might have actually done something right for a change. I don't like the countdown thing they do because it breaks down the Central Illinois market into a popularity contest and when many good bands in the area can't even get shows in the area because of stuck-up club owners, then you see my point. Funky need to submit their stuff, but they will probably put it off too long and then the show will be canceled (knowing WQLZ's track record I don't see this show lasting beyond the summer).

June 6, 2002
It's 6:52 A.M. on Thursday, June 6th, 2002. I promise not to make news entries every single day, but then again I'm pretty bored. I know I'll be at work with absolutely nothing better to do. I know I can't control it. Well, I've only got today and tomorrow left before my first week of training is over. That leaves 3 weeks left to finish before I will start on the floor. I hope Sariah and I do something this weekend. If not, then things are really going to suck hard!

I bought Evolution last night for Sariah. I'm not really crazy about the movie, but she seemed to like it a lot. I'm still looking for Clockers. This Saturday Sariah and I are going to take the 60-gal. tank in for repairs. Hopefully we can get that back pretty soon. I don't want to take it up there and wait a month to get it back. I'm thinking right now that I won't post an update to this entry today unless something noteworthy happens between now and when I get home from work. The chances of that happening are very much slim to none really, but I will leave the possibility open.

I've got to finish getting ready for work now.

June 5, 2002
I was going to add an update yesterday, but I fell asleep almost right after I finished eating. I hit the hay at 10:00. Can you believe that? I figured that the extra sleep would be beneficial to me the next day, it wasn't. Well, I guess that is a premature statement since it's only 6:38 in the morning. This is the third day of class and I'm just as bored as when I started. Tim came by last night with his usual dark cloud opinion about my job. I'm not expecting much from this job other than the possibility of an environment I will be comfortable in. I don't want a career in Cingular, I just want to get out of debt and reestablish good credit so that I can hopefully start the business soon.

Why is it that everyone naturally assumes that when you get a job at a place like this that you are intending to make a career of it? Cingular isn't the sort of company that you would want to build a career in because they could be gone within 5 years if the market is overrun by their competitors. We were told by our union stewards that Cingular will continue to provide the number of jobs it has if every current employee does their own job. That's nice. It's like a threat on the first day. Do your job and Cingular will keep the workforce it has; don't do your job and CIngular will start laying people off. I agree that if the customer service isn't good, then Cingular will lay off employees at the call center, but come on! There is a hell of a lot more to it than that. What happens when we all bust our asses for the company and still get laid off because the company itself just isn't doing the business it hoped it would.

More on all of this stuff after work....

UPDATE: Well in case you haven't read the messageboard, I have internet access at work now. I can only access things on my breaks and lunch, which is fine with me. It took a few years, but I feel that I am finally over the internet addiction thing. Hell, the only thing I do nowadays is check my site, update my site and check my e-mail. Tim wants to know what site to use for reference to sites I've done. I don't have any prepared, so I am going to have to whip something up. First things first though, I have to finalize the FCF mix. I'm going to do that today (unless I just get waaay to sick of being on the computer). I've been pricing components for a new computer. I want to build a new computer with a 2GHz P4 in it. I'm going to do the Tim thing and purchase it all piece by piece. I think I'll start with the case and power supply. By the end, I should have a good system that will not only allow me to improve my mixing capability, but also allow me the ability to purchase newer games that require intensive 3-D processing. Once I achieve all of this, I'm going to sell this computer to Jill and Michael. I don't know how much I'll charge them, but it will be a good price to be sure.

Hmmmm. I'm bored. I think I'll go rent a movie. I have to take back the two that I rented a couple of days ago anyway. Later!

June 3, 2002
This is going to be a two-parter. I start Cingular today and It's currently 7:03 A.M., so I have to be quick with this. Just an update or two before I go though (I'll elaborate later tonight). We traded that stupid blue cichlid for another convict because in a final stupid moment, the blue cichlid killed one of the convicts. Also, Tanya from Jessie's Pets told us to bring out aquarium in and they will fix it for us for no charge (more on this later). I spent the weekend in Beardstown and Sariah spent the weekend in Bethalto. Talk about separate vacations. Pizza Hut's Six Flag trip was today. I'm surprised that Sariah didn't tell me about it, but she isn't going (more on this later too!). Okay, I've got to get gas and finished getting dressed so I'll update this later. Don't want to be late for my first day of work.

UPDATE: Well, It's 5:00 P.M. and I'm back from my first day at Cingular Wireless. It's pretty typical thus far. I nearly fell asleep during the beginning of class, but after lunch I woke back up and was able to make it through the rest of the day fine. Pretty soon I am going to be a card carrying member of the Communication Workers Union or something like that. The class reminds me a great deal of the class I had to take before I could start APAC, but this one is more computer intensive. Things seem all right I suppose. Nothing too discouraging yet.

I was hoping that I could get off early so that I could take the aquarium to Jessie's, but I am afraid to move it alone. I have a feeling that if I attempt it I will just end up breaking it. I'll wait for the weekend. Sariah wants me to do laundry today. I'll get to that later on this evening. First things first though, I have to call Kim from RGIS and find out what's available on the schedule and then I have to go get something to eat. I think that within 90 days of being employed at Cingular, the benefits will really be worth it. I can get a cell phone with a 1000 minute plan for $0 a month. That's pretty darn good if you ask me. I think I can select between HMO and PPO medical coverage as well. Life, disability, death and dismemberment insurance as well as tuition reimbursement, 401K, pension and a week paid vacation every 6 months. Pretty sweet. Now if only I will keep it. I don't know, this will be the first time since Excel where I'll have a job that requires a picture ID. I take that back, I had to have one when I worked for the Department of Public Aid, but that was a lousy temp job!

We shall see.......

June 1, 2002
Stupid, stupid, stupid!! Well the tank fix was a bust (literally). The new bottom cracked immediately after filling the tank to the top. I've figured out the problem, but Sariah is going to lose it when she finds out. The glass cracked in a corner where there is an imperfection, not in the new panel, but in a preexisting side panel. I believe that it was this that caused the last piece to crack as well as the new piece. The piece, although cracked can be salvaged and used for some other purpose (perhaps a shelf). I am debating on whether or not to get another 1/4" cut or try a 1/2" cut instead. The 1/2" will cost twice as much, but it might be the only thing strong enough to support the pressure of 60 gallons of water. The thing is, if I replace the bottom with 1/2" glass and it cracks yet again, Sariah will really freak out. I can't imagine throwing $34 dollars away like that. I'm going to have to consult some sources on-line.

It's funny actually, I was in the process of getting Tim's camcorder to videotape the moment of triumph when I heard the first crack. I knew what it was the second I heard it. I rushed back out to the deck to find the crack. It wasn't that big and it wasn't leaking water, so I decided that if I could empty the tank in time I might be able to seal the crack and go with that. Unfortunately as I was emptying the tank, another crack formed and water began gushing from the bottom. It was hopeless at that point and I just had to sit there and sulk in the bitter failure that was the tank repair job. I'm not giving up though, not by a long shot. All I have to do is grind down the edge that is protruding and try again. I'm also going to go around to local fish stores and see if they can do repairs on tanks. If it's not too much, then I will go with that option. The only thing that I will require is that the place guarantees it's work because I don't want them to assume that it's just going to be as easy as slapping a new glass panel on it.

I was planning on selling one of our 10-gallon tanks to Tim, but now it looks as if we will need it for a while. We are going to get rid of the blue cichlid tomorrow in exchange for a gobie (I hope). I'm sick and tired of that damn fish and would love to feed it to the oscars, but if we can get an adequate trade out of the little monster, then I'm all for that. So much fish talk. You would think that I have no life by the way I talk about my fish all the time. Well......you would be right.

Two days left before I start my new job at Cingular. We are nearly broke. So much for getting our income tax return, we spent it all on damn fish! That's okay though. I'm sure that the extra income from my job will help smooth things out. I'm trying like mad to convert the TMF movies to RealPlayer format, but it's not working for some reason. It will get about a quarter or the way through and stop. Also, whenever I move the timeline bar thing around it locks the program for sometimes upwards of five minutes. If you haven't figured it out yet, my computer sucks. I'm going to go back to zero and see if that helps. I have been backing up all of the FCF track material onto CD. I'm up to 8 discs so far and I still need more space. I also have to back-up all the flash stuff, websites, roms and everything else. It's more work than it is fun.

I'm exhausted from countless hours of scraping silicone off of glass panels, reapplying silicone to glass panels, purchasing glass panels, removing plastic trim from glass panels, scraping and smoothing plastic trim, filling and removing gallon after gallon of water, and moving this monster tank from room to room so that I can have space to work on it. I'm doing all of this myself because Sariah has told me very sternly that she does not want to have anything to do with this. Of course, this might all change after tonight. I'm really not looking forward to picking her up from work.

May 31, 2002
This is the last day of May. Time sure is flying by. Before you know it, I'll be 30 and wondering where it all went. The 60-gallon tank is almost ready. In 4 more hours I will take it out on to my deck and commence with filling it with water. Hopefully I can get it up to it's full amount and it will hold. If it holds, then I will empty it and set it up proper. Man I hope it works out.

New on the FCF front. After many complaints about the CD, I remixed it and am awaiting Bub to re-record his bass tracks. The FCF collective are dragging their feet about it as usual. They bitch about the CD not meeting their standards, but when I put the ball back in their court they show their true colors. The faults with the FCF CD lie solely on the band itself and each members apathetic stance on their own position. No one wants to get it right, instead they would rather get it done quickly. Quick does not equal good. I pleaded with the band to take time and to do what is needed to insure a good quality CD. In the beginning they all agreed and where ready to go in for the long haul. This of course is classic FCF because it's easier to say your going to do something than it is to actually do it. Moment of truth comes when I realize that the guitars, bass and vocals needed to be re-recorded proper. The band, staying true to form, did not want this and decided that what had been done was good enough. I rolled with it, after all it's their CD. The one thing we did do was re-record vocals, but it was slopped together as well. The energy from the previous takes wasn't there and I believe everyone knew it. I was tired too, but not of the recording process, rather the constant pushing and pushing on my part to get these guys to do their own job.

Things finish up and I realize for the second time that the guitar and bass needed to be redone. I mixed down the material anyway and finished it prematurely. I knew that I could do as much as I could with what I had, but it still wasn't good enough. My negativity, added with Pete Vredenburgh's account of the CD needing more compression fueled the collective FCF belief that the CD wasn't that good. Aaron, as if scripted, stated that the first CD sounded better. This is when I knew that no member of FCF actually listened to the CD, but rather the remarks and complaints of everyone else around them. The excuses began to formulate and in the end FCF did not get what they set out for - the CD that was going to make them proud of being a band. I concur. This CD is nothing to be proud of because it flaunts every single fault of the band. Every mistake, every dry note, every flaccid vocal line. Everything. Naturally they are going to blame it on me, but this only reinforces my statements. The members of FCF (with the exception of a few instances) slopped their way through this recording and now are looking for an out and I'm the perfect patsy.

For the record, the only way the FCF CD is going to sound good is if we re-record the vocals, guitars and bass. I have made the statement that if the bass is re-recorded, it will do. This is true, but the songs will still lack intense dynamics in parts that really need it. I think that if the bass is re-recorded then the mix will be centered and overall it will sound much better. It's now up to the members of FCF to decide whether or not they want to go the extra mile for something better, or ride it out with a product that they are not happy with. It's not just a decision effecting the outcome of the CD, it's a decision effecting the outcome of the band. If FCF just can't seem to find the time to finish their own CD, then how will they ever find the time to book shows? As you can see, this question could go on forever. Today is Friday and one of the last free days I have. Today would be a perfect day to finish things up, but FCF practice today. This is the excuse for getting out of everything. I think they should bring Bub over today and finish up. Hell, I'll even call them and get the ball rolling because I know none of them are concerning themselves with it.

This is the last Funky Circus Fleas recording that I will do. I've done all that I can and it won't get any better. In fact, they have gotten even more lazy and discontent with this CD than the last. I imagine that future CDs will basically just be live CD's because it will be the option with the least amount of hassle for the band. This CD was supposed to be the definitive FCF disc, but instead it became a cop-out. I'm not a magician and I can't turn shit into gold. This CD is the true sound of FCF in all their glory and failure. I'm sure whenever they want to record again (assuming that ever happens) they will go to Pete. If he takes the bait, then he will have to venture down the road that I have been on for years. The road where you love a band so much that you sacrifice yourself for the project just to find out that in the end your sacrifice was all for nothing.

One final comment. Assuming that a member of FCF reads this and spreads it like a virus to the rest of the band, I'm sure they will be offended and it will queer our relationship in some way, but the truth is the truth. I'm not going to quietly take the fall for someone else's poor judgment. Since I am typing most of this, it's almost a guarantee that it will go the opposite way, but anyway I'm sure at least one member of FCF will be mortally offended by all of this and will think that I shouldn't have said any of it or worse, that I should take it off my site. Criticism bites hard and it's sting lasts for a long while. I felt the bite of criticism and acted upon it. I am in a position to where I can try to make things right, but I've done all that I can with what I have. It's now time for FCF to stop their criticism and start working toward the common goal of finishing the CD right.

May 29, 2002
I spent the entire day today prying the bottom plastic surround off of the 60 gallon tank. It's been quite a chore, but with some acetone it really pulled through. The bottom piece of glass has been removed and the edges are pretty much cleaned up and ready for the new piece. I took measurements to a glass shop yesterday, but I botched one of the dimensions. I called the place, but they were already gone. I left a message for them correcting my original order, but who knows if they will get it in time. Once I get that piece all that will be left is to find a thing of 100% silicone that is nontoxic to fish and can be used to seal large aquariums. Sariah and I went to a hardware store, but they didn't have any. I am going to go to Jessie's tomorrow and ask them. Soon the tank will be fixed and back to normal.

A word to the wise when working with both glass and acetone; Always watch yourself! I cut my hands up bad today. You never really know when a jagged piece of glass will be lodged in a chunk of silicone, so it's best to inspect everything first before you start working. Also, acetone eats through plastic, so don't try to use a plastic cup to hold acetone in or you will find whatever you set the cup on covered in acetone. Between cuts, acetone burns. breaking glass and hours of scraping on glass with a razor blade, one has to ask if it is worth it all. I say yes. I am a full-fledged fish nut.

Speaking of fish nut, I included some new pictures of my fish. They are black and white because I pulled them from video. Also, here is a picture of Sariah who disapproves of everything I'm doing.

May 28, 2002
I've got six more free days until I start my job. I'm going to go see about purchasing a new glass bottom for our 60-gallon tank. I attempted to remove the cracked piece, but I am having difficulty removing the frame. I am going to get some acetone tomorrow and I will try to work the bottom frame off. Sariah and I purchased a new cichlid for our 10 gallon tank, but sure enough the blue cichlid killed it. It's only been in the tank for a couple of days. it's hard to believe that it is dead already. Stupid cichlid! We are going to take it to Jessie's Pets and see if we can trade them our cichlid for one of their fish.

The FCF guys are coming over tomorrow (so Aaron says) to discuss the cd. I told Aaron that I wasn't going to remix it, but I went ahead and remixed it anyway. I'm working out the final details now. This will be it, though. I'm not going back after this because the only way it's going to sound better is if we re-record all the bass and guitar tracks. I'll have the CD done in a little bit. I'm sure they won't like it either.

I was planning on dumping all of the TMF movies yesterday, but we ran into the snag with the aquarium. I will be doing that either tomorrow night or sometime Wednesday. I don't have Loooo!, which sucks, but I have the rest. Oh happy day! Christ it is taking forever for this song to render. Man I hope that I will be able to get that bottom piece out all right. If not then I will have to take it to someone who knows how to repair aquariums and pay for labor charges. UGH!

May 26, 2002
I didn't dye my hair, but Sariah and I did eat at El Rancherito. I was watching the old footage of "Poooo! The Bum" over at Tim's the other day. I really wish we would have done something with that stuff. I think I'm going to ask Tim if he would let me borrow his Sony so I could dump Poooo! into my computer and edit it. I know that he will never get around to it so maybe he would let me since I have nothing but time on my hands (for now, at least). He mentioned doing something with our last movie "Serum 2: The Cure for the Common Cancer", but It's doubtful that he will do anything with it considering what he has in store for the future. Hell, he'll probably end up selling his XL-1 before the years up. He's already hinted at the possibility. I don't know. I'm not getting to involved in it since I know that things like this never pan out to anything worthwhile.

That's all for now (after all it is 5:00 in the morning!) I'll wait till later today to finish this entry.

Well hell! Today Sariah an I purchased a 60 Gallon tank, stand and hoods for $100 from Jessie's Pets here in J-Ville, unfortunately the tank is cracked. We did not discover this until we filled it entirely with water. I spent the last 2 hours emptying the tank one gallon at a time. Now we don't have any place to put all the rock we bought. There is a curved crack that runs from front to back on the bottom panel. This sucks! Sariah is pissed off and saying that she is going to take it back, but the deal is that we purchased the tank from the owner of Jessie's, not from the store. There was no guarantee on the purchase, but still it is cracked. I've read up on some ways to fix cracked tanks. Some seem a little time consuming, others seem like they wouldn't work very well. I mean, it's the bottom panel! It has to support up to 600 lbs. of water. How is some sealant going to fix that?

In other news, Tim let me borrow his Sony, so I am going to dump the TMF movies into my computer, as well as the long lost footage of Poooo!. It's only the first half, but it's decent. I will dump it all within the next couple of days and convert them to RealPlayer files to upload to the TMF site. Also, I think I'm going to redesign the site. Who knows?

May 25, 2002
I'm stupid! Yesterday or the day before I lost a large amount of money. I think it was something like $130. How does someone lose that much money? Well it's not the first time it's happened to me, only the other times I retraced my steps and found the money. This time, unfortunately the money was nowhere to be found. It figures. A bunch of good stuff happens and it has to be countered by something unforeseeable bad.

In other news, my friend and ex-bandmate Sean Taylor got married to his girlfriend. Also, my other friend and ex-bandmate Tim DeWitt is going to have a child with his girlfriend. I, unlike others have omitted my personal feelings from the issue because of two reasons: One, I'm not the one who has to live with the decision made; Two, it's really none of my business. Besides those reasons, I feel that if Tim or Sean wanted commentary about their situations they would ask for it. I'm not the supreme being who dictates to everyone else the way they should live. Let it be, I say.

I finished the FCF CD finally. Now I can move on to bigger and better things like...........nothing and..........well.....nothing! I'll be starting my new job soon so that should eat up quite a bit of time. I really need to find a new recording project. Before I do though, I think it's time to invest in new equipment. I definitely need new microphones (the last session proved that), I also need a more powerful computer and a better reverb. I don't ask for much really, but all in all it's expensive. I guess that is just one of many things I will be working towards in the future.

The move to Arizona has been put on temporary hiatus until I fully absorb this new job and figure out whether or not I'll be able to last. Sariah and I have been discussing the move. She wants to still visit Flagstaff in July, but I won't be able to go. I don't think it will happen, but you never really know. I don't want to move to AZ just to get a job doing what I'm doing now. I want to move on as well as away.

(UPDATE: HA HA HA!!!! Tim found my money underneath his recliner. I knew it! I guess I'm not as stupid anymore! To celebrate, I'm going to dye my hair tonight ;P )

May 18, 2002
This week just keeps getting better and better. I paid a visit to Jessie's Pets yesterday and to my surprise there before me lie the fish I'd been searching for for the better part of a year - a black pacu. I immediately snatched it up because I didn't want to worry about whether or not it would still be there the next day. It's in our oscar tank right now, but we are probably going to have to buy a new tank for it. It's pretty big. Waaaaaaay bigger than the oscars. So now the pacu is bullying the Oscars in their own home. I probably could keep them together in a bigger tank, but I think I'm just going to dedicate the tank to the pacu alone. I don't know for sure.

I don't have a picture of it yet, our stupid camera needs a battery and we have been too lazy to buy one. Once that gets done I'll post a picture of the bad boy.

Despite the fact that I love this fish, It puts a damper on our ability to move to Arizona. I mean, it was going to be nearly impossible with the Oscars and the others, now we have to figure out how to transport a pacu. By the time we move it will probably have grown quite a bit, so we won't have any place to put it. Doh!

If you know me and are reading this, then you should definitely stop by and see the pacu. Payne should either be in town tonight or be coming to town tomorrow. I haven't got a call from him so I don't know. Hopefully it's this weekend.

Doo doo doo, I've got to go pick up Sariah!

May 16, 2002
Here it is folks!!!!!! If you've been paying attention, then you know by now that I am the jobless wonder of the world. I'm afraid to report that.......

I got a job!
DOH!!!!!

It's as a customer service representative at Cingular Wireless. I'm sure that in due time I will grow to hate it because it's located in Springfield. If only Damon could get a job there too, then I wouldn't have to endure the lonely commute back and forth. To celebrate, I got into an argument with Sariah and now she's at work. I am hungry so I am going to go somewhere and get food. I just thought I would update the site and let those who care enough to visit this site that I got a job.

By the way. I can't get enough of the song Shinobi Vs. Dragon Ninja by Lost Prophets. Too bad it's the only song of there's so far that I like. The rest of the album is like an early Incubus rip-off.

I am in the midst of mixing the new FCF cd, but I'm having a difficult time with the vocal sound. It should be done by tomorrow though. I promise! ;D

I think I'm going to go to B-Town tonight. I don't know. I just might. I can rhyme all the time. Hardy har!

May 14, 2002
Let's see....A lot has happened since I last posted. My buddy, Chad Payne got a 48 hour pass to come home the very weekend after my last post. I hung out with him for a day and shot the shit. We are going to try to figure out a way in which he could move to AZ with Sariah and I. Hopefully it will all work out, but you never know. Also, I finished up vocals for the new FCF CD. I only have left to mix the songs down and print the master tracks. Dat be it. I should be done with that by tomorrow or Wednesday. I don't know if I mentioned this either but some old friends of mine in a band called Entity contacted me and sent me a copy of their new band's CD. I might end up recording them in the near future. Finally, Pleco Jones passed away today. He was the last pleco we will own. R.I.P.

In a non-related issue, to our surprise Sariah and I received our income tax return. I was sure that it would be taken from us to pay back my default student loan. I was, or course wrong. We opened up a checking account with the money, and also to our surprise, a savings account that we had not used in over a year was still open, so we decided to reactivate it. Now we have a checking and savings account. This is our first checking account, so we are kind of leery of it, but I'm sure it will work out all right.

It would appear that moving to AZ is going to be some time away. Sariah's sisters want her to wait until they get married before we movie. That would be over a year from now. No way! I still cannot do anything until Ken and I finish the website. That could be another couple of months from now, so I can't say that I'm anticipating a move since I know that it is going to be at the very least 6 months before we could move. I'm trying like mad to get more people interested in moving. Payne want's to go, but he's in prison and when he get's out he won't be able to leave the state for 2 years. He can transfer his probation to AZ, but he needs a place of residence and a job in AZ before he can do so. It's almost like a catch 22. I've spoken with Chris Ottwell about moving. He has told me that he will do it if nothing happens with the band over the summer.

Kevin Ottwell, Jared and Seth made it out to L.A., but I guess something happened to the effect that they do not have a place to live now. When Kevin called Chris, he told him that they were going to be staying at motels and rest stops until they could find a place and a job. Basically, unless they start selling their bodies for money, I see them returning to IL very soon. It wasn't very long ago (actually it started with Kevin and Jared deciding to move to LA) that the moving bug bit everyone. I had my desires beforehand, but lately I have been focusing more on moving then I have before in the past. The members of FCF have discussed moving, but they don't know where or how they will do it.

The only person so far that I haven't seen in the past 3 weeks is Damon. I wonder what he has been doing lately?

May 3, 2002
VH1 has canceled the only show on TV worth watching anymore, Late World with Zach. For any of you who ever watched it, you know what I'm talking about. I considered it a moment of genius on the part of VH1 to create the show. It's been a long time since any network took a chance like that. The funny part is that before they even let this comic train build up steam, they yanked it from their network showing how truly stupid corporate decision making can be. No one knows why and VH1 doesn't care to respond, but it's typical for corporate network to dislike anything that is not playing up to the mainstream aspect. VH1 sucks and they are taking themselves way too seriously (just like MTV). I don't have cable, but when I go over to people's homes that do have cable I occasionally find gems in the rough. Sure enough, it was never meant to last with Late World, but hopefully some other network or premium station like HBO will pick him up. He's damn funny!

What can you do about it though? Nothing! Corporation doesn't care about what you think. The sponsors are the only thing that matters. Just like with MTV pulling the plug on MTVX. They won't even accept petitions to put the show back on. Why? Because everyone seems to forget that corporations are not a democracy, you can't just petition a show you like back on the air. The only thing people can do is stop watching, but will that ever happen? No!

There is no hope for the future. We should all die. For those of you who actually feel sad about the loss on 911, I pity you. I wish I were one of the casualties. That way I wouldn't have to constantly tolerate ignorance and apathy. I pray for some nuclear power to just bomb the shit out of us every day! This world is becoming more and more robotic and uniform by the year. Sure, you can live peacefully on your own terms now, but for how much longer. Things you could do 20 years ago you can't do anymore. Why? Because the more we unite, the more we must conform to the standards of normalcy.

In the future, long after I am gone, there will be no more freedom. Freedom will become a belief structure with no tangible connection to reality. We will live in a socialist/capitalist hybrid nightmare state but think we are free. Hell, we're halfway there already. If you think I'm silly, then why don't you do me a favor. Get a notepad (or a journal of some sort) and write down everything you can't do. I don't care how silly or commonplace, just write them down. Keep the journal with you and every time you think of or bear witness to a new thing that you can't do, then write it down. I'll bet that if you stick with it for a month, you will agree with me. The limits to freedom are sometimes not visible as they should be, but if you honestly look, you will find an outrageous number of rights that were taken away from us as humans. Basic human rights, if you will.

I'm done preaching, for now.

April 30, 2002
The last day of April is upon us. I am listening to Generic's rendition of Wizards and Warriors. I decided that since I have a bunch of instruments and amps around I might as well record some more stuff. I've been feverishly working on covers of the classic VG Space Harrier. So far I have learned the following:

Main BGM
Squilla
Syura
Valda
White Summer
Ida
Godarni
Stanray

I'm having some trouble with Battlefield because it's basically a continuous solo from start to finish. I'm a little over half way through learning it though. It's going to be hard to pull off really good. I plan to do a version of Wiwi Jumbo too, but It won't involve a lot of guitar.

As for everything that I have previously posted, it still applies to this day. If you need more info, then read some entries from the past.

April 25, 2002
I miss Sariah. She has been back to work for three days now and I already miss her. I wish she didn't work so much, but she absolutely feels that she has to. If something doesn't change then she is going to end up with more back problems for sure.

It's another early morning romp on the internet for me again. I should be asleep, but I just can't for some reason. I guess it has something to do with night. I don't know. I just wish we would move and get out of this god forsaken place. I hate Illinois! I don't know why anyone would want to live here. I have to work tomorrow, so that should at least drive away some of the boredom. By Sunday I should be hating life though. Who know? Sariah will be at her sister Summer's house all weekend, so I won't get any time with her at all for another week. It pains me to know that I have nothing to look forward to. I will never be able to understand how people can just waste their entire life. So many people I know do absolutely nothing in life, but don't want to change it at all. I know too many people who's entire life is one big excuse. An excuse for this, an excuse for that. They have excuses to cover other excuses as well. In their eye's there is nothing wrong with their life, that is unti they want to finally admit it, then their life is the most miserable sob story in the world. Through it all, they will never change though. Like I said, one big excuse.

I think I'm going to make a flash movie to relieve stress.

April 23, 2002
Man-o-man is this week gonna suck! This is the last week in which we have before the shitstorm of overdue bills hits us like a mack truck. Sariah started back to Chordant yesterday. She says it's alright, but they haven't put her back on full yet. Another thing is that Sariah hasn't done a Pizza Hut/Chordant day in a long time. She might not be able to handle it.

Just to bring you up to speed on a few things. RGIS has got me booked up this week BIG TIME! I'm actually going to be working during the week! I am scheduled for a Thursday then I go in Saturday for two stores, then back Sunday. 4 stores total this week. It's going to be massive. I haven't done two stores in a row yet. I don't think I'm going to like it much.

We might be moving into a different apartment. Sariah found a person who is renting out apartments for the same amount we are paying now, but at this other one we wouldn't have to pay for gas, water or trash. The move could save us up to $200 p/month. There are a lot of "if's" involved though. For one thing, the place doesn't have a shower, rather a bathtub. Also, we don't know if we would have control over the heat or not since we wouldn't be paying for it. You know, it would really suck to move into this place then come next winter we find out that the landlord keeps the heat at something insanely low.

I'm still in the middle of recording FCF's new CD. Things are getting more complicated now. I am going to have Randy, Aaron, Bub and Chris redo almost everything they have already done. Why? Because I want it so sound perfect. The guitars need to be doubled (I thought I could get around it due to pre-production being done without it, but it's just not working out), The bass needs to be crisper (sometimes there just isn't any definition) and the vocals need to sound like they weren't recorded in someone's closet. They are going to be pissed, but I'm not going to let them push me into rushing this project like they did last time.

I got an email yesterday from a guy who used to be in a band that played some shows with Four Pointed Sisters. Sean and Todd, formerly from Entity, who are now in a new band. They sound about the same (which is good) and are looking for shows. Hopefully they get some, lord knows times are tough for bands in the midwest. Sometimes you have to start fresh 4 or 5 times just to get off the ground.

Spoke with Ken as well. He hasn't had time to work on anything for the website, so it's going to be put on hiatus for at least a few weeks while he works out this things he has going on for some convention. In the meantime, he want's me to hook up his new stereo system for him. All work and no play...

Oh yeah, I am still jobless. That about sums it up really. Until next time..

April 15, 2002
A strange thing happened last night. I was at a cookout/party with the boys from FCF and a few other close friends when it happened. It started with me discovering that Chris Ottwell's brother Kevin and his friend Jared were moving to LA. Later on in the evening, something happened and I found myself talking to Jared about moving there with them. I really don't know how serious all of this was (we were pretty drunk), but it would be cool as hell if we could. They are talking about leaving in two weeks. Now I won't be moving that soon, but around the end of the year, I'm sure I'll be ready to go. Not to mention, I am intentionally going to stick around so that I can try to talk a few others into going as well.

Damon is coming over today. I don't even think I've talked about Damon before on this website. Maybe I have and I just forgot. Damon is my best friend. We have been friends since the 1st grade and continue to be friends to this day. The coolest thing is that we aren't forcing ourselves to like each other, we just know each other so well that we feel truly comfortable around each other. Well anyway, he was talking about seeing a movie, but I don't even know what's playing. He didn't either. I don't know. We will figure that out when he gets here I guess.

I have a horrible hangover. I need to eat.

UPDATE: Sariah and I went to Springfield with Damon and saw "Frailty". It's not that good. It was predictable from start to finish and Bill Paxton's character was too friendly. I just think that the twist didn't have the effect that they might have wanted for this film. I don't want to give anything away so I'll just stop.

April 13, 2002
Wow. It's been some time since my last entry. I guess I've been too busy to update the site now that my mixer has been fixed. The FCF recording project is going good. I'm almost done with all of the overdubs. Soon I will have to move on to the mixing stage then I'll be done. I've mixed two songs already, but we just finished up vocals on them last night, so I have to remix it with the additional vocal elements and then finalize it.

Ken is almost back, so it's almost time to jump back into the fray with the website. It's been three weeks now since we last worked on it. In order to save money I'm going to suggest to Ken that he let me go with the site for a bit, once we record the voice over stuff for the narration. In reality, if Ken want's to spend extra money and time to perfect the site, then that is fine with me. I just think we are spending too much time chasing our own tails instead of making real progress.

Here are some important updates from around the globe. My friend Chad Payne might be going back to prison. Currently he is in a work release program in Urbana, but the place might be shut down due to budget cutbacks. This sucks because it was Payne's sole grounding element. He has a job and is making money, but now due to the government he might have to give that up and go back to prison. This just proves how stupid and backwards the system really is and how the penal system isn't set up to correct mistakes, but rather just keep people we don't want around in a cage.

I need to call my mom. She called a few days ago and sounded kind of strange. It's got me a little worried. Oh yeah, I'm still jobless, but I haven't really been beating the pavement like I should. Sariah finds out if she can return to Chordant in four days. If she can it will be great because then we won't have to keep worrying about getting evicted. Hopefully though, things work out on the Pizza Hut front and she gets the assistant manager position offered to her. This is all still up in the air, but if the current asst. manager leaves to become manager of a different store, then Sariah will get promoted to asst. manager here in J-Ville. We don't really count on this happening any time soon, if at all. It would be nice for Sariah to get out of the factories though, especially now that we've found that she has a dehibillitating disorder that is going to stay with her the entire span of her life. More later.

April 05, 2002
It's 8:00 A.M. and I'm awake for a change. I'm getting ready to go to St. Louis to drop my mixer off at Logic Systems Sound and Lighting, Inc. Hopefully I will get my mixer back today, though I highly doubt it. Chris Ottwell gave me $250.00 so that I could get this thing fixed. Thank you Ewop! I'm hoping that it won't cost any more than that, but what would be even better is if it didn't cost nearly as much. If it is as simple as a disconnected wire or the wrong fuse, then I won't have to spend the entire amount. This will make Chris happy because I'm supposed to return whatever doesn't get used, per our prior arrangement. For his sake, I hope it doesn't take the full $250.00

I will be travelling to St. Louis with my mother, Sariah and my niece and nephew. We are going to be paying my aunt a visit while we are down there. I'm not big on family, so that won't be the highlight of the trip.

Update: I got my mixer fixed!!! It only took them 2 hours and the total came to $111.00, which is a hell of a lot better than what I thought it would be. I just got done powering it up for the first time in over two months. It's great to finally be back! Maybe all the harsh things I said about it before was going a little overboard. The stuff about this mixer having horrible crosstalk and inaccurate faders and gain control is true, however. I'm just happy as a clam to see the old girl back up and running again. Now I just hope that I don't have the same problem over and over again. Paying $111.00 once is alright (especially when it's not your money, thanks again Chris!), but to constantly keep forking over $111.00 would be outrageous.

April 04 , 2002
Hmmm...Today is yet again another boring and pointless day. I slept late, so I missed my chance to get a hold of The Luthier Shop in Springfield. Actually, I called at 4:00 and no one was there. If they guy want's business, he should at least stay open till 5:00. I'm going to have to take my mixer to St. Louis now. Darn it!

I must love to debate because I always find myself in one. I'm on MP3.com now and I'm discussing mainstream music and how limited the view is. It's exhausting really. I often wonder why I engage in debate at all since it doesn't result in anything positive. I guess my life has to be one big negative ball.

I recorded Funky Circus Fleas over the weekend and recorded bass and vocal tracks Tuesday. It sounds good. I like it a lot and we had a lot of fun doing it. It's quite a change from the last few times we have attempted this. I guess it's just different times, different circumstances. The finished product is still over the horizon, but at the pace we are going, it shouldn't take too much longer.

I'm still jobless. I asked Sariah if Pizza Hut would hire me as a dishwasher. Her assistant manager told her that it probably wouldn't happen. I have the assignment this Sunday in Pittsfield, but that will probably be it for another two weeks or so. I at least hope my life is entertaining to someone out there. Maybe one day someone will stumble upon this website and help me out in some way. I doubt it though.

Now that I think about it. The thought of no one reading this keeps me somewhat grounded. Even if people read this website, I like the idea that they wouldn't contact me about it. It would help me to stay focused and not try to be too showy! I'll get back to this later...maybe....

March 29, 2002
What the hell is the deal with Easter being in March this year? That is some wacky, wacky stuff right there boys and girls! I'm currently gearing up for a recording session with the band Funky Circus Fleas this weekend. Hopefully things work out for the best and I don't end up pulling my hair out because of it. Don't get me wrong, the guys in FCF are alright, but together they are some of the most frustrating people I've ever been around. It should go well.....

I've been giving serious thought to moving. I really can't do anything in this area, this includes find a normal job as well. Life shouldn't be this much of a struggle and I'm tired of playing a losing game here in Illinois. My sites are set on Arizona right now, but may change. Why Arizona? Well, that is where the Minibosses are. HA HA HA HA!!!!! Seriously, I've heard a bunch of stuff about Arizona really booming with activity and I would like to relocate there to put things to the test. In the near future I am going to contact Full Sail and get them to start working for me again. Maybe this time I'll have better luck. Sariah and I discussed this at great length yesterday. She tells me that she is willing to throw away what little security we have here to gamble on the possibility that we can move and I can start taking advantage of the abilities I have so that we may never have to live this way again. She knows as well as I that there is always the huge chance that I will fail and that we will be moving back to Illinios, but we both agree it's worth the risk because nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going to happen for me here.

I'm listening to Neil Young "Down by the River". Talk about depressing! No wonder I feel so down all of a sudden. I've got it on a constant loop, but since the song is like 9 minutes long it doesn't get too redundant. I need to download some more songs, I just can't think of any right now. If any of you out there have some suggestions on good moody/depressing music to download, please email at rvdsm@hotmail.com and let me know because I'm always looking for new options. Before you send an email though, you should know that I consider Joe Jackson "Stepping Out" and The Moody Blues "In Your Wildest Dreams" to be depressing music. If your idea of depressing is some Linkin Park or Staind song, please don't email me. Thanks!

March 27, 2002
Well I've been working my little heart out and I've got two new projects underway. In reality, one project is not really new, rather it's more or less picking up where I left off with a prior project. The project in question is my Flashbox project. I'm already to version 3 and I would like to keep developing on this current model. There is still a copy of version 2 on the Four Pointed Sisters site, but it only has a few songs in it and they don't stream. The new version of Flashbox features streaming audio and a more expandable menu system. If you would like to check it out, then take this link to the site that features the new Flashbox player. The second project is a website. It's a secret right now, but soon I'll let the cat out of the bag.

March 26, 2002
Hello viewer. Today is Tuesday and Sariah gets paid from her job at Pizza Hut. This means that we have food money for the next two weeks and we can stop mooching off of family and friends for a while. I did an audit of Feigle's in Rushville on Sunday and will be doing another on the 6th of April in Pittsfield. Unfortunately, RGIS doesn't pay the bills by a long shot so the hurt is still on. To make matters worse, I am a complete and utter moron.

I had a meeting with Ken and Scott about the website and was asked if I would accept payment for services rendered and continue to develop the site. I declined. ????? Why would I decline when I know that my bills are not going to get paid next month? Well it seemed to me that Ken was fully aware of my struggles and wished to help me out by advancing me some cash. I felt that by taking an advance under those circumstances I would be comitting political suicide in regards to the negotiation of payment. You see, no real pricing parameters have been set so in essence it could be seen as still negotiable. If I accept a (for lack of a better term) "pity payment", then I hence forth empower my client to dictate all negotiations. We would no longer be negotiating on an equal playing field. Now, I know that Ken is not going to take advantage of me and that accepting the advance would not have had any impact on pricing negotiations on this project because Ken is already fully aware of my plight. My concern is with myself and my business etiquette. If I can maintain a professional and objective self presentation with a client regardless of my present personal situation, I feel that it gives me a competitive edge and allows me more comfort in negotiating my rates. How can expect a client to take my rates seriously when they see me as desperate?

Well anyway, Sariah and I of course didn't agree when it came down to it. I should have taken the money I guess, but I feel that we will be able to work things out with our bills and not need an advance from Ken. I'm 47 hours in now and the end is nowhere in sight. Ken and Scott are scripting out the presentation. Once complete, I move into phase 2 of the website design which is primarily the creation of the presentations, recording of dialog for the narration and taping, capturing and editing of video segments plus their incorporation into Flash.

let's see....I may start tracking drums for Funky Circus Fleas this weekend. That is still up in the air really. Other than that, I've had a marvelous idea float into my brain. I might just have to dig in and extract it. More on this later....

March 22, 2002
Well I've calculated everything and it appears that Sariah and I are in good enough standings to survive April. Unfortunately, there is no way from avoiding the inevitable beyond that. I am on the schedule for an upcoming audit and tomorrow I am going to agree to another. If I got more than 2 audits per month through RGIS, I'm sure that I could pick up the slack that we need to get our bills taken care of. Alas, that will never happen.

I've agreed to do record Funky Circus Fleas next cd, but in exchange they have to pay to fix my mixer. They're all freaked out about the cost, but the truth of the matter is that I don't even know how much it will cost. I might get it to St. Louis just to find out that a wire had disconnected or it has the wrong fuse in it. Regardless, FCF is footing the bill. I don't exactly know when tracking will begin, but I have to call in a few favors from some people. Pete Vredenburg, a fellow engineer has been rumored to be interested in shadowing the session. If these rumors are true, I might just ask him to assist me here and there. It sure would be nice to have some help when I set up microphones. It would be cool as hell if he did. I am going to talk to him about it sometime this next week possibly.

Yes, I'm still working on the website. I am currently running 5 hours over my expected deadline, but I am nowhere near completed with it. There are many aspects to the site that still need to be hammered out. I estimate that it could very well take an additional week to week and a half to complete. In the beginning I felt as if I was not setting a decent price range for the website, but now I am glad I settled on what I did. Even if this project takes 3 weeks to complete, I will still be the cheapest thing going as far as website design goes. Granted I've seen other places that charge equal to my rates, but they suck. These places charge what I charge, but only offer web design, not Flash design. They dabble in Flash, but they are amatuers and it shows. Now if only there were a viable market for what I do.....

Be it multimedia production, audio engineering or web design, I still can't get a job. I know it's due to my location. I am trapped in a prison called Illinois, only in this prison the government doesn't foot the bill. I know now why people enter into a life of crime. When you live in poverty-level conditions for years and years, it's easier to see crime as the easy alternative to the constant struggle of life. More and more I find life to be ridiculous and stupid and attempting to play the game of life only results in failure. Everyone knows about the rules of life that one must follow, but successful people do not live by these rules. If they did, they wouldn't be successful. I have to find a place in this world. I have to find a place where what I offer is needed. I don't want fame or fortune or any silly pipe dream like that. I just want to earn a living doing what I enjoy and what I love and I don't want to settle for anything less.

March 18, 2002
It's getting late into the month. It's going to be hilarious when we can't pay our bills. I'm laughing already. Well anyway, I just finished work on a cd of Four Pointed Sisters material. It's by far my best work yet. The cd is comprised of 8 songs (I believe) and each one is pure gold.

I'm still working on the website project. After a 10 hour long endurance trial on Saturday I had to get away from it Sunday. I didn't get far however since I spent the later part of Sunday working on the Four Pointed Sisters cd. This week I'll be back to work on the site. Outside of a few things here and there, I can't go any further. I will be recording dialog sometime in the near futue to put on the site itself. My previous idea of this project only taking a week was foolhardy at best.

A bit of sad news to report. The tank that I was negotiating to get from Jessie's Pets in exchange for a website is gone. Yep! They sold it. I now seriously doubt that Jessie's Pets will want to hire me to do their website for them. Maybe I can arrange a different trade. Who knows.

After remixing the 4-PS stuff, I've regained some confidence in my recording ability (I need to be reassured of these things once in a while). I was doubting whether or not I wanted to do the next Funky Circus Fleas cd, but now I think I can. The only thing that is going to suck is the fact that it's going to be yet another non-paying gig and worse yet, I don't get any exposure from it. Yeah sure, some people in Beardstown get to hear it and whoever they give it to when they play shows, but that's not enough for publicity sake. If I'm to ever get out of this stinking rut I'm in, I'm going to need to focus my energies on getting exposure. Since no business around here wants to hire me I guess the only way to get anywhere is to just freelance my services. Of course, in this community my services don't mean shit.

March 14, 2002
Well, what's new on this Thursday morning. I'm about to go to the WEAI studios and apply. Apply for what, you might ask. Well I don't really know. I was reading on their website that they might be hiring in the near future and are looking for technically competent people who have a good on-air speaking ability. I feel I fit the bill. I mean, I was the frontman for a band, so I'm not afraid of speaking to an audience and I did go to Full Sail, so I know everything on the technical end. Will I get a job there..........probably not. Knowing my luck they are probably only looking for women anyway.

What started out as a week long project is now rapidly moving into two. The website that I am designing for Ken Kingstad and Associates might end up running into overtime. I have created the foundation of the website, but I am waiting on Ken to provide me with the meat of the website (text and photos). I meet with him tomorrow to discuss the "meat". After that project, I may or may not be moving on to a project for Jessie's Pets here in Jacksonville. It's still up in the air really, but I have a good feeling about it (that usually means that it's not going to happen!). Once the dust settles I will work on a promotional site for my web design services and hit IRTC, Cityscape and SpringNet. I want to try to establish myself in this area and since I haven't found a website/flash designer in this area that even compares to me, (Sometimes you have to boost your own ego) I feel as if business will pick up.

I've been aproached by Sean Taylor of Funky Circus Fleas about recording their next cd. I told him that I was busy with the website and that I wanted to wait until the website was finished before I moved on to another project. I'm having doubts about recording FCF again.

On a more personal note, I tried contacting Rich Lumber Co., but their phone number isn't listed in the phone book. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. If I didn't want to drive to Beardstown to apply, then I certainly would not have driven back and forth everyday to work there.

March 12, 2002
I sort of feel stupid because I find myself talking about me so much. I mean, for christ sakes! How many times did I refer to myself in the first sentence. Everything is always about me. I don't know why I insist on constantly talking about me. I guess that makes me shallow, but I don't really know. Seriously though, I just sat in the living room talking to myself for god knows how long. I started out talking to Sariah, but she fell asleep and I didn't even notice. I do the exact same thing with this website. I pour out my feelings and thoughts into this news section, but the only one here is me. Why do I talk to myself so much? I guess it's because I feel like I have something important to say, but no one else would agree. It doesn't bother me that people aren't interested in me. I'm not really interested in other peoples lives either. I just do this as a kind of therapy I guess. Plus it leaves more traces of me when I die or get commited. Yeah! What and ego, right?

Anyway, the Rouland Trucking job didn't pan out (I'm getting used to typing this by now). They wanted an interview on Friday at 2:00 P.M., but already hired someone that morning. I haven't applied at Rich Lumber Company because I really don't want to drive back and forth to Beardstown everyday. In fact, I would rather drive back and forth to Springfield than to Beardstown.

Sariah and I have had increased tension as of late. With her on-going back pain and her being out of work it's no wonder she's stressed. We have argued about so many things this past week. Ranging from the website gig to bills to the on-going job hunt. I know she is just upset about her present situation with the back surgury and really doesn't mean to be harsh, but at the same time that doesn't stop it from hurting. I wish things could be better, but things don't change overnight.

Here is a little update. I just visited the Illinois Skills Match website to check for any new openings. There is one for a 5 month long, full time clerical position in Petersburg, but the employer wants to remain confidential and will contact the person they feel best suits the job. Pretty tightass for a temporary position. I intend to not get my panties in a bunch over this one.

March 06, 2002
It's finally over. Sariah has had her surgery and is now asleep pending a full recovery in 10 weeks. This is good because last night I was sweating bullets. On the way to the orthopedic center we discussed the possibility of backing out of the surgery, but after speaking with Dr. Van Fleet, decided to go ahead. So far the pain that Sariah used to feel in her leg is all but gone. She still has pain in her back, but it is from the surgery. There is still swelling in the spinal cord, but it should decrease over the next few days. She was really zonked when she got out of surgery. I've been feeding her and tending to her needs all day today. I will need to help her out around the house for the rest of the week, so my website gig has to be delayed for this week at least.

ISM has produced two possible new candidates for employment possibility. The first is in Beardstown at a place I used to work at called Rich Lumber Company. I really don't want to travel, but for $8.00 per hour I'd be willing to give it a shot. The other is at a place here in Jacksonville called Rouland Trucking Company. It's only $7.00 per hour, but I wouldn't have to drive 30 miles to and from work every single day. I'm probably going to call about the Rouland Trucking job tomorrow and possibly drive over to Beardstown to talk to the people at Rich Lumber. I'm not really sure with Sariah in the position she's in. That's all I know right now. Check back later for more............Like you care!

March 05, 2002
Today is the day of Sariah's back surgery. She is asleep right now, but I am awake and nervous. The main reason I am nervous is because I have spent the last 2 hours reading about the surgery and the complication of it. It's a really scary thing they will be doing to Sariah and there are real chances she could be impaired for life. It's one of those things people would like to not think about, but in this case, how can one avoid it? From what we've heard, the doctor is a good one and we don't have anything to really worry about. Yeah right! Let me quickly elaborate on what the procedure actually is.

First, they will be cutting into Sariah's skin and through her muscle tissue to reveal the vertebrae. This will pave the way for the doctor to insert a drill to cut through the bone so that he can enter the vertebrae. Once he has made his hole, his assistant will move the nerves located within the vertebrae to the side, which will clear a path for the doctor to get his tools in there and begin pulling out the disc fragments. Once completed, the doctor sutures the incision and the surgery is over.

Two things bug me about the surgery. One, the assistant pushing and holding nerves. I think I have every right to be concerned about it because nerves are not something you monkey around with, but clearly in this situation a person will be monkeying around with Sariah's nerves. Previous surgeries like this one have resulted in permanent nerve damage due to complications during surgery. That is a scary premise altogether.

The second thing that bothers me is the fact that the surgery is not 100% effective. The chance that the disc will further rupture or additional ruptures will occur is within 5-10%. Also, from what I have been reading online, in some cases one surgery is not enough and people end up spending a good portion of their lives in pain. I was wondering why they asked so many questions about depression in a questionnaire they had Sariah fill out before she met the doctor, now I know why. Most people with chronic back pain and back disorders contemplate suicide as an alternative to living with their pain.

I remember back when Sariah felt her worst. It would be inconceivable to imagine having to endure that every day and to also know that doctors could do nothing for you. To never be able to work again yet require constant pain medication. To have your whole life change, and not for the better. It's no wonder these people get prescribed antidepressants along with their pain medication. I would be pretty depressed too if I knew every day I would wake up to excruciating pain. I feel for Sariah and hopefully this surgery will be a success.

March 03 , 2002
Well it's March and I'm still jobless. I have RGIS, but I haven't had an assignment in a week. I'm working on a new site because I want to work out a web design gig with a local pet store. I'm hoping that I can negotiate a trade. On a somewhat happier note, I am designing a website for Ken Kingstad and Associates, Inc. I guess that could be considered a good deal. Unfortunately, it's only temporary and I will be back to not making anything very soon.

The new website is for my fish. I figured that I had a lot to say about Sammy and Spike and I didn't want to confine it to this website. The address is http://aquarium.opaque-entertainment.com and it's called The Aquarium Project. If you are interested in tropical fish or maintain a tank of your own, please join the community tank web group.

My duties to this paying gig take precedence over everything else, so that means there won't be another update to this site for a while. Don't worry though, it won't take more than 2 weeks.

February 27, 2002
Wow! It's amazing how much life sucks! Sariah will be receiving her final 100% paycheck in a few days. As well, she will be going to the orthopedic surgeon that very same day to find out how much longer she has to remain out of work. I am still looking for a job. My quest is slowly leading me back to Springfield. I'm not happy with this because I really hate the drive. What seems to make matters even worse is that the only positions I am finding seem to be coming from temp agencies. UGH!! I really don't want to work for another temp agency, but if I have no choice then I have no choice.

Soon, we will be unable to afford our own debt and fall further into the pit of non-repayment of debt. I guess we will have to begin trimming the fat as of next month if things do not rapidly change. The first (and most obvious) to go will be internet connection. The next to go will be my hosting fee. The next to go will be the phone entirely. If push comes to shove, I will sell my recording equipment. I REALLY don't want to, but what choice do I have. I still can't believe that I cannot find a job. More on all of this later, I supose.

February 22, 2002
Today is Friday, February 22, 2002. It is 4:35 P.M. and I just feel like going back to sleep. I was turned down for the Heartland Ag, Inc. job, so now I get to spend the rest of the day worrying about how Sariah and I are going to be able to pay our bills for the following month. Sariah is still out of work and won't be going back until after March 1st. Even after she sees the orthopedic doctor on the 1st, it doesn't mean that she can go back to work. After next week, Sariah will only be getting 60% of her regular pay. With me not having any luck finding a simple job, it becomes a serious matter that could spell trouble down the road.

This is the second job I've been turned down for simply because I am not a woman. Here in the midwest, everyone seems to agree that woman work in offices and men work in factories. Why? Why is it that simple of a subject? I can't stand factory work, but my wife thinks it's great. She can get hired at any factory she applies to, while I get turned down at every office I apply to. Everyone says that no one hires women, but that statement hasn't been applicable for at least 2 decades now. If there is a position available and two persons of diffefring sex apply for it, the woman will be chosen over the man due simply to the belief that employers have about women not being able to find work.

I have been passed over for positions where I have the most experience and training than any other person applying. Why? Because they wanted a woman to fill the position instead of a man. That is discrimination, but they didn't advertise it so no one is the wiser. It's not like they said "position available (only accepting women)". My point is, if they are going to hire with that mentality, they might as well just come out and say it.

Now your probably thinking that I have something against women in the workplace. I don't. I do tend to see blind favoritism toward women as opposed to men and that I do have a problem with. I know I tend to rant, but I try to keep it contained. I am starting a new page for my directionless ranting called LIFE SUCKS! Please feel free to check it out as it will be listed within the "special" page.

February 17, 2002
A funny thing happened the other day. The person I was supposed to talk to at Heartland Ag, Inc. is sick, so I don't know if I have the job yet, plus I didn't see "Super Troopers". It's an extremely long story that I don't really want to get into. I do have to work today though. RGIS called me last night and I am to report for duty today at 5:30 so we can perform an audit of JC Penny's in Springfield. This should be interesting to say the least.

I'm thinking about turning over webmaster duties for the Funky Circus Fleas site to someone else. I haven't talked to any of the members of FCF in a long while. I'm so out of the loop that for me to run the site for them is really a joke, so I'm just going to turn it over to someone else. Whoever takes over the site is going to have to set them up with a new home, or they will have to relocate back to their old geocities site. Whatever the situation, I'll be gracious enough to transfer all of the site material over to any new server that the new webmaster provides. Anyone interested? Email me!

February 15, 2002
Today I call about a job at Heartland Ag, Inc., plus I am going to go see the movie "Super Troopers". I will post and update to this news section when I find out for sure whether or not I get the job. On a much funnier note, Garageband Records (formerly Garageband.com) is going out of business. HA HA HA! When I was harassed to the point of departure from their site a year ago by members of GB and the staff, I knew that a business run by such uncouth "professionals" would eventually go belly-up. Distribution problems have resulted in the near end of the business. Their website has already been shut down for an undisclosed period. They have issued the statement that they will know within the next week or so whether or not they can land a distribution deal and thus stay in business. I for one am hoping that they fall flat on their faces.

February 08, 2002
Hoo Hoo! After thinking that Quadrapet's show was today all week, I was informed by Shane Bumgarner that the show is actually March 8th. Doh! I've got a job now through RGIS. My former prospects of getting a job at Cass Communication were brought crashing to the ground by Tim a day or two ago when he told me that the position had been filled. I should have seen it coming since outside of an interview I never heard back from George. One of the persons that wanted me to help them with their website turned elsewhere as well. You know, when you live in central Illinois long enough you begin to learn that people are simple. The "good ol' tried and true" will always beat out the "new and improved" any day of the week and no one seems too eager to acheive anything. Here is an example:

Say you have a product that you would like to sell that a competitor in the area is also offering, but your competitor has an advantage. The competition has decided to market their product on television using a local video production company. You want to stay competitive in your marketing, so you decide to go the television ad route as well. Seems normal right? Well this is where things get strange. Most people will search for a company that will produce a product that fits the bill financially and performance wise. Bringing it back to the story, a question of production comes into play. If you want your commercial to be better than your competitors commercial, you would naturally go to the competitor of the video production company that produced your competitors commercial rather than going to the same one. What would you say to them? "Please make our commerical better than the one you made for this other client".

Here in the midwest, choices are few, I would have to admit that. In most cases, you have to go with who you know. In the rare instance where you have a choice to make, most would naturally compare between two competing companies to see who offers the better, more affordable service. Alas, the midwest is a strange place where common sense seems to not exist.

February 04, 2002
Sariah got the results back from her MRI today and it's not good. She has two herniated discs and something wrong with her lower spine. She has to go to Passavant sometime this week to see an orthopedic doctor and get an epidural of painkiller to the spine. It's really not looking good and she might end up requiring surgery. If this happens, it's almost for certain that she will not be able to stay at her job. She will be devastated for sure. I will be hoping and praying for the best as I'm sure everyone who knows her will be.

February 03, 2002
I decided to reinstate my Garageband account since they haven't removed my songs from their database in the past year. If you would like to help me out, go to www.garageband.com and vote in the alternative catagory. After a while you might get to my song. See, the way they do it at garageband.com, you can't just go to your favorite band and vote, you have to let them select a band at random for you to vote on. If you are in the neighborhood of garageband in the near future and you stumble across "Coors Light", be sure to vote highly. Thanks.

January 29, 2002
Still nothing new regarding the Alesis. I was going to get it serviced this week, but I was afraid that Sariah and I wouldn't have the money to afford it. I just finished uploading a new site that I have been working on for another musicall project I am involved with called Chinese Water Torture. I'm happy with is so far, but I'm still not finished with it. I have also received a few offers from different people who would like me to assist them with their websites. Cool! Also, I have been reviewing the old gameshow "Press Your Luck" that Jill Slater taped for me (thanks Jill!). Once my schedule clears up I will start working on my next animation. In the meantime, I have been creating a labrynth to go along with the rpg I am developing for flash. It's reminescent of Phantasy Star for the Sega Master System (My favorite). Once I get it worked out a little better I will upload it to this site.

Oh yeah, this Friday my brother-in-law Aaron turns 27 and on the following day, my good friend Chad Knous turns 27 as well. Old geezers! Ha!

January 17, 2002
From a sweeping high I have been sent spiraling back to the ground. My Alesis mixer has just gone on the disabled list and just in time for the warranty to have expired. Isn't that just super. Now all future work must be done with some other mixer at least until I can get whatever is wrong with my mixer fixed. It sickens me to think about how unreliable the Alesis was and is and how I purchased it in the first place. This is an open statement to anyone thinking about purchasing an Alesis mixer. Don't! If my mixer can break after a year then that should tell you what sort of quality they put into their product. I have only owned it for a year, and out of that year I have used it sparingly. For a good 4 months of the year it wasn't even hooked up to anything. I bought it so that I could begin recording bands and such. Since purchasing it, I have recorded two bands and both about a month apart from one another. I've done some personal recording stuff with it at my home, but not a whole lot. I am truly appalled, and I plan to sell this piece of shit whenever I get the problem fixed.

On another note, if anyone out there is interested in purchasing a slightly-used 16-channel mixer, please contact me at rvdsm@hotmail.com for additional information.

January 14, 2002
Hello. I just got back from my interview at Cass Communications. George recognized me from way back at the JTPA in Beardstown. I was surprised by that. It seemed as though things went well. He liked the fact that I am experienced in almost every computer program under the sun. Hopefully I will get the job now, but who knows right?

The songs that Ottwell and I were working on are turning out to be pretty cool sounding. I plan on calling Chris today to see if he will agree to a repeat performance. If he does, I will be able to finish up with what I already have and put them up on the site. I think that this will be a Chinese Water Torture thing. I don't know for sure.

I'm still waiting for Sariah's sister Jill to tape an episode of Press Your Luck for me before I start working on my new animation again. One thing that I am working on is a game. I am designing an interface and menu system for a game. All I need to do is pair up with someone who knows how to script programs in Flash. If anyone out there in internet land knows how to scrip in Flash 5, please contact me for a posible job opportunity. (unpaid of course, ha ha!)

January 11, 2002
Today is a good day. I finally heard back from George Frashier from Cass Communications. It looks like I got myself an interview. WOO-HOO! I spent today going to Springfield to apply at a few jobs and Sariah and I also bought some new fish (more on that in the "Special" section). I'm happy for a change. Imagine that.

Yesterday Chris Ottwell and I wrote some songs together using MTV Music Generator. We have yet to produce anything that would even resemble an actual song, but we are still working on it. Speaking of that, I've got to get back to recording guitar tracks.

January 6, 2002
Yesterday was fun (for a change). Tim, Sean, Sariah and I went to Springfield together so Sariah could buy some things with her Target gift card that she got for Christmas. After that, we returned to my apartment and shot a cheezy movie which was just a rip-off of the movie "Innerspace". It was fun to shoot another movie and I would love to do it again, but time is limited and not everyone shares my sentiment about shooting movies. At least for a brief moment my mind was taken off of the job topic. I am going to contact George from Cass Communication again Monday and see if I can even get a response. It disturbs me that everything I have been hearing has been second hand so far. I really shouldn't care about whether I get this job or not as much as I do, but I can't help it. I really want this job and I would hate to be passed over for someone with less experience and training than I have.

January 4, 2002
Day 4. Not exactly sure of what to do anymore. I am still waiting for a response from Cass Communication as to whether or not I am being considered for the posistion. Tim told me that he had spoke with George Frashier and that I was being considered, but he wanted to wait for additional applicants. I have to admit it has kept me on edge for the past day or two. I really want that job. Another thing that Tim told me was that he had to tell George about Charlie Dango. Whenever I send an email through Outlook, it automatically sends all messages through by hotmail address, which appears as Charlie Dango. I don't know if he told him about the website or not. In more job related news, I was going to go to IDES today and check for any new openings, but last night I got an update in my email about an interested employer. You would think that would be good, but it turned out to be a job for some fitness center working with women on their schedules and workout routines. If I don't find a job soon, I fear that things may return to the way they used to be in Beardstown. I don't want that to happen, but I'm afraid that it has already started.

I am waiting to develop characters and backgrounds for my next animation until I get a copy of one of the episodes of Press Your Luck. I am going to model the scenery loosely off of the show. I have some more ideas, but they will remain a surprise.

January 3, 2002
I finally got around to listening to some audio recordings of Chris Ottwell, Chris Davis and myself. It is some of the most depressing crap that I have ever heard. The reason it is depressing is due primarily to the fact that I am an asshole. I hate geting drunk because I end up making an ass out of myself. I wish I would just shut my big mouth sometimes. I guess everyone has just gotten used to the way I am, but I am just getting around to actually hearing myself. I would have to say that I am very ashamed.

I am currently in the process of working on a brand new animation. I haven't decided what I'm going to make it though. I could pull out all the stops and create a highly enveloping story and characters to boot, or I could work in a sort of series format, where I space out the effort and make things easier for me (and hopefully everyone else) to digest. Right now I am pulling more toward the series aspect, since I really don't have as much a plot lined up yet. I have an idea as to what I am going to make the first one about. My main character is a ultra-violent baseball bat wielding vampire, and host of the super popular late night game show "Depress Your Luck". Hopefully, these series of animations will lead to something bigger and better in the future (like possibly getting paid to do this stuff).

January 2, 2002
I just remembered something sariah told me last week. She made the comment that my site is cooler than hers. I thought that this was funny since she didn't even want a website in the first place. She hasn't contributed anything to it yet, so it's not even up yet. As usual I am still waiting for her to figure out what she wants to do. I don't know why I decided to type all of this. I guess I'm really bored.

I called Tim today to see what he was doing. He and Sean were at his house doing nothing. I suggested that I come by and we record something. He said that he didn't want to. I asked him if he was ever going to want to. Blah blah blah... you know the rest. It just constantly reaffirms my belief that there is nothing really left of any sort of creative bond between Tim and I, or Tim and the rest of our group. I don't know if it is a phase that he is going through or not. It would naive of me to say that it's not to be expected. This isn't the first time Tim has retreated from the group. I guess we all retreat every once in a while. I know I have in the past. I guess it just gets to me when someone says that they want to do something, even though they really don't.

Would you do something you didn't want to do if someone you cared about asked you to do it anyway? Would you expect someone to do something they don't want to do even though you really want them to do it?

On a more "news worthy" note, I can't access anything off of Newgrounds.com. It's either their server or something with my ISP. No big deal though. There is always tomorrow.

January 1, 2002
Happy New Year, I guess. Is it really happy? I know for some people, one night of festivities doesn't make up for the other 364 days of agony and sorrow that they have to endure. So why place so much importance on one day of the year? To tell you the truth, my friends and I are begining to see how New Years isn't such a joyfull time. Hell, for some of us Christmas is even miserable. I attended the Funky Circus Fleas show after all, although I didn't have a good time, as to be expected, I did get to make my friends happy. I guess they needed it since not a lot of people showed up. If it wasn't for the smoke burning out my retinas and the uncomfortable bar stools, I probably would have stayed. It always makes me wonder how I ever could have smoked before (for ten years!).

My mind is totally preoccupied with thoughts of getting a job. I sent an email to George Frashier of Cass Communications yesterday regarding my interest in filling the job opening they have. Only time will tell. If luck prevails I might be so fortunate to land the position. If not, I could always focus on the Pentagon job